Nothing Left For Me
by CorieHall
Summary: Troy, being the basketball star of East High, already has a lot of pressure athletically, not to mention academically. When he witnesses and suffers a devastating ordeal, he begins to wonder whether he can handle the stress. Troyella.
1. You're the Playmaker

Title: Nothing Left For Me

Summary: Troy, being the basketball star of East High, already has a lot of pressure athletically, not to mention academically. When he witnesses and suffers a devastating ordeal, he begins to wonder whether he can handle the stress.

Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Rating: T for mild swearing, graphic themes

Disclaimer: I do not own HSM, its characters, or mentioned name brands. I do, however own all original characters and brands.

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**Chapter 1: You're the Playmaker**

"Mr. Bolton, running a little late today, are we?" Mrs. Darbus, the fifty-something drama director asked sternly as Troy rushed to his seat barely three seconds after the bell rang for homeroom. "That's your third tardy this week. Detention for you today at three-twenty sharp. And don't be late!"

As Mrs. Darbus began to take roll, Troy sank in his seat.

_Detention again? My Dad is going to kill me._

Troy's best friend Chad leaned forward and whispered in his ear.

"Dude, where were you?"

"I slept through my alarm. I was up late trying to finish my AP Biology lab report. I don't think I went to bed until 2am."

"Ouch, that bites. I guess I'll tell Coach that you're not coming to practice today?" Chad asked, a little disappointed.

"Yeah, unless he can talk to Principal Matsui and get me out of it." Troy held his head in his hands and sighed.

"Hang in there man," Chad replied, patting him on the back.

It was easy for Chad to say, but the rest of the day was no cakewalk for Troy. He had a Pre-Calc test that he understood nothing on, and after all the work he did on his lab report, he realized he left it at home in the printer. Troy didn't know how much more he could take. He knew he'd have to do something though, because Darbus was waiting for him.

Chad approached him in the hall while he was on his way to the drama room.

"Hey, Coach talked to Principal Matsui and he wouldn't let you out of your detention. Sorry."

"Damn. I don't want to go," Troy complained.

"I know man, I know. Just get it done. You wanna go out for pizza tonight?"

"I can't. I have way too much homework to do."

"Alright, well I guess I'll catch ya later."

Troy made his way down to Mrs. Darbus' room and sat in a desk in the back.

"Mr. Bolton, you're early. I hope you brought something to work on," she said, less than amused.

"Yes Ma'am," he replied, pulling out his Calculus textbook.

Troy pretended to study, but he couldn't concentrate. There was so much on his mind. He was only two months into his senior year, but his plate was overflowing. He had only two weeks to finish his applications to NMSU and U of A. And before he could even think about going to college, he had to figure out how to pay for it.

It took long enough, but he finally left school at 4:30. Driving home, Troy knew his next battle was coming up fast: explaining his detention to his dad. He managed to avoid him all day, but they both had to go home to the same house – there was no helping that. The second Troy walked in the door, he saw his parents waiting for him at the kitchen table.

"Troy, come here for a minute."

Troy advanced slowly and stopped in front of his dad.

"What's up with you getting detention today? You can't miss practice. You're the playmaker. Your team needs you."

"I know, Dad. I got a couple of tardies this week so Darbus gave me a detention."

"A couple of tardies? You shouldn't have any Troy!" his father spat, frustrated.

"Jack, back off a bit," Troy's mom said softly.

"Troy, you're the team captain. You need to be there to lead your team."

Troy hung his head. "I know Dad. Look, I have a lot of homework I need to get working on."

Jack nodded his head in dismissal and Troy left for his room. Once he got there, he shut his door, turned the radio on, and cracked a textbook. This Thursday night was going to be no different than any other weeknight. Do homework, eat dinner, do more homework, go to bed.

After dinner, Troy was back in his room still working on homework when he heard a knock on the door.

"Come in."

Troy's mom wandered in and sat on his bed.

"Are you okay, hun?"

"Yeah Mom, I'm fine. I've just had a lot on my mind lately," Troy replied, still staring at the homework in front of him. Jennifer touched his shoulder and he turned to look at her.

"I know your Dad's been a bit hard on you lately. I talked to him. He said he would try to lighten up a bit."

"Thanks."

"No problem. How about we go spend some time together? Just you and me?"

"I don't know, I still have a lot of homework to do."

"Oh, come on," she replied smiling. "We won't be too long and I barely get to see you anymore."

Troy smiled and nodded his head. "Okay, but I need to be back here by nine so I'll have enough time to finish this."

"No problem. Come on, let's go."

Troy followed his mother downstairs. He was happy they were going to spend time together, but he couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling in his stomach that something wasn't right.

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AN: So that's the first chapter. It's a little plain right now, but the next chapter is when the heat comes. Reviews would be very much appreciated.


	2. We'll Take Care of Her

Title: Nothing Left For Me

Summary: Troy, being the basketball star of East High, already has a lot of pressure athletically, not to mention academically. When he witnesses and suffers a devastating ordeal, he begins to wonder whether he can handle the stress.

Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Rating: T for mild swearing, graphic themes

Disclaimer: I do not own HSM, its characters, or mentioned name brands. I do, however own all original characters and brands.

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**Chapter 2: We'll Take Care of Her**

"Okay, I've got another one. You were about three or four. Do you remember those old vinyl records we had in the basement?"

"Yeah," Troy replied smiling.

"Well, you got into them and when you pulled one out of the case, you said, 'Mom, these are really big CDs!' I laughed so hard. You were the cutest kid."

"And technologically challenged at that," Troy replied.

The two were just heading home from shopping. Troy hadn't felt this good in weeks. His mom always had that effect on him. When he was younger and he had a bad day, she was always able to make it better.

Jennifer pulled off the main road and on to the dirt road that would take them home.

"Oh, I love this song!" Troy said smiling, and turning the radio up. Then he saw it out of the corner of his eye. It was a pair of headlights coming closer to their car. As Troy turned his head to get a better look, he felt the impact. He didn't even have a chance to scream.

The other car smacked into the Bolton's SUV, smashing in the driver's side. The airbags deployed as glass broke and metal bent. The impact of the other car pushed the broken SUV into the ditch. When everything stopped, Troy blacked out.

About a minute and a half later, Troy woke up and gasped. He looked over at his mom and saw she was unconscious.

"Mom," he said, beginning to sob. "Mom?"

Troy reached over and checked for her pulse, getting blood on his hands. He found it and breathed a short sigh of relief. He then quickly grabbed out his cell phone and turned the dome light on.

"911, what's your emergency?" the dispatcher asked.

"My, um my - - Mom and I - - we - - we were in an accident." Troy was panicking and the dispatcher could tell.

"Alright, just slow down. Where are you?"

Troy looked around until he recognized the area. "Near the corner of 112th and Wilson."

"Okay, how many are injured?"

"My Mom, she's unconscious. I don't know what's wrong with her. I'm fine and I don't know about the person in the other car. Please, you have to get someone here, fast!"

"Don't worry. An ambulance is already on its way. Just stay on the line with me until they get there. How about we talk until they come?" The dispatcher knew he had to try and keep Troy calm.

"Okay," Troy replied softly, grabbing his mom's hand. "Everything's going to be fine, Mom. They're sending someone for us, okay?" Troy started crying as he looked at her blood stained face.

"So what's your name?" the dispatcher asked.

"Troy Bolton."

"Okay Troy, how old are you?"

"Seventeen."

"That's cool. What school do you go to?"

The questions were starting to annoy him, but Troy answered anyway. "East High."

"So you're a senior? What college do you plan on going to?"

"I don't know." He took a deep breath. "Maybe State or U of A."

Finally, Troy saw lights and sirens speeding towards him. "They're here. Thank you."

Troy felt bad that he hadn't checked on the person in the other car, but he didn't want to leave his Mom. The police car pulled up first and Troy jumped out of the SUV and ran to it.

"Please, you have to help my Mom!"

"Whoa there son, don't worry, the ambulance is right there."

The young officer guided Troy towards the EMTs. A brunette haired woman was the first to approach them.

"My Mom is unconscious," Troy said, pointing to the driver's side of the SUV.

"Okay, what's her name?" she asked.

"Jennifer."

"Okay, hold on. John, go check her out. What's your name?"

"Troy. Um, Troy Bolton."

"Hey Troy, I'm Amy. You have a pretty big cut on your forehead. I want you to go sit down in the ambulance for now, okay?"

"No, I want to stay with my Mom."

"Don't worry, we'll take care of her," Amy said, guiding Troy to the back of the rig. Then she grabbed some gauze and told him to hold it to his head, and another piece to the cut on his arm that was revealed in the light. Then she sat him down and headed over to the SUV to help her partner.

Troy looked over and saw the officer checking on the man in the other car.

"Sir, sir? Wake up," the officer said.

The man slowly stumbled out of the car with not a single scratch on him. The officer then led the man back to the police cruiser. Troy then watched as the cop gave the man a breathalyzer test.

_A drunk driver? A drunk driver nearly killed us?_

Troy was appalled and still overcome with emotion as he sat in the ambulance. He then quickly directed his attention back to his mom. He watched as the paramedics lowered her on to the stretcher and started wheeling it towards the ambulance. Troy jumped up and ran to them.

"Is she okay? Is she going to be okay?"

"I don't know yet, Troy. We're doing everything we can for now," Amy replied as they loaded the stretcher. "Come on, let's get you guys to the hospital."

Troy climbed in and sat in the extra seat while Amy shut the doors and John climbed in the driver's seat.

"Make sure you're pressing hard on those cuts. We need to stop the bleeding."

Troy pressed down and for the first time realized how much they hurt. He closed his eyes at the pain and when he slowly opened them, he saw Amy tying a rubber tourniquet around his mother's arm.

"What are you doing?"

"I need to start an IV. Your Mom lost a lot of blood so we're going to give her some saline to try and replace it."

Troy grabbed his Mom's hand, but had to look away. He hated the sight of needles. The rest of the ride was mostly quiet except for the beeping of the heart monitor.

Troy's face became drenched with tears again as he looked at his Mother's face. She didn't look like she was in pain, but there was no way to know. Troy couldn't imagine life without his Mom.

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AN: Okay, so I figured I would just post the next chapter since I finally had it typed. I write them during the day and type them up whenever I get on the computer, so yeah. Hope you enjoyed and please review!


	3. I'm So Glad You're Okay

Title: Nothing Left For Me

Summary: Troy, being the basketball star of East High, already has a lot of pressure athletically, not to mention academically. When he witnesses and suffers a devastating ordeal, he begins to wonder whether he can handle the stress.

Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Rating: T for mild swearing, graphic themes

Disclaimer: I do not own HSM, its characters, or mentioned name brands. I do, however own all original characters and brands.

* * *

AN: Okay, so this chapter has a lot of medical stuff in it. I hope you don't mind. Thanks for reading!

**Chapter 3: I'm So Glad You're Okay**

When they arrived at the hospital, things got even more hectic. They quickly took Troy's Mom to a trauma room and he tried to follow, but the doctor's forbade it. A nurse took him to an exam room and got him comfortable on the bed.

"I'm Meghan. I'm going to take care of those cuts, okay?"

Troy was tense as he nodded his head. Once she was done, she smiled and spoke.

"The doctor will be in here in a few minutes. Until then, you need to change into this gown. Is there anyone I can call?"

"Yeah, um, my Dad."

Troy gave her the number to his house and she left him. He sat for a moment and started to cry. As he began to relax, his adrenaline levels decreased and the pain came through. It was horrible pain. He barely had enough energy to move, let alone change into a gown. Eventually, he stood up and changed as slowly as possible.

Troy laid back on the uncomfortable bed and sobbed with his hands over his face. They still had his mother's blood on them and it streamed when his tears touched it. He sniffled and wiped his hands on his pants.

Soon there was a knock on the door and a dark haired man in his late twenties walked in wearing a lab coat.

"Troy Bolton?"

"Yeah," he replied, looking down.

"I'm Dr. Patterson. I know you're upset right now, so I'm going to do the examination as quickly as possible, okay? I'm going to start with those cuts."

Dr. Patterson slowly and carefully pulled the bandages off both cuts. He studied them for a few seconds and then began to rewrap them.

"Looks like you don't need stitches so that's a good thing."

Troy sighed and closed his eyes for a second.

"Okay, so what else hurts?"

"I don't know where to start. My stomach, my chest, and my head is just pounding."

"Okay, let's untie the top of your gown."

Dr. Patterson listened to Troy's heart and lungs and examined his chest. Troy remained stoic as the examination continued.

"I think you're going to end up with some pretty extensive bruising, but I don't believe anything's broken. You said your head hurts? How bad on a scale of one to ten?"

"I don't know. Probably an eight."

Dr. Patterson did a full neurological exam and pushed on spots on Troy's head looking for abnormalities.

Troy winced when he touched a spot on the side. "Does that hurt?"

"Yeah, I think I hit it on the window."

"Okay, do you feel nauseous?"

"Yeah, a little."

"Well, my first guess is that you have a concussion, but I want to do a CAT scan to check for bleeding in and around your brain just in case, okay?"

"Yeah. If there is, what will it mean?"

"I can't really say. I won't know until I see the results. Someone should be in here within about twenty minutes to take you. Is there anything else I can do?"

"Can you give me something for my head?"

"Not until we've ruled everything out. I don't want to take any chances."

"Can you find anything out about my Mom?"

"I will certainly try."

"Okay, thank you."

Dr. Patterson nodded and headed out of the room.

A few minutes later, Troy's dad walked in.

"Troy! Are you okay?" he asked.

Seeing his Dad, Troy started to cry uncontrollably. Jack hugged his son as he sobbed.

"Some - - one - - hit us. He - - came out of nowhere. Mom's really hurt."

"Mom's okay for now, I asked. She's stable but she's in surgery. She broke her left arm and leg from the impact. They were afraid she was bleeding internally, so they sent her to surgery. Are you okay?"

"I don't know. The doctor said he thinks I have a concussion, but he wants to do a CAT scan in case I'm bleeding inside my head. I hit it on the window really hard."

"God Troy, I'm so glad you're okay. It could have been a lot worse."

The two sat there for a few minutes holding each other like life itself depended on it.

Soon there was another knock at the door and Meghan walked in.

"I'm here to take Troy for his CAT scan."

Troy stood up and sat in the wheelchair that accompanied her. Jack kissed his son on the top of his head and gave his hand an encouraging squeeze before he was wheeled off.

The CAT scan went much faster than Troy thought it would and before he knew it, he was back in his room with his Dad and Dr. Patterson was there to discuss the results.

"Well, I looked at the results of your scan and it looks clear. Do you still have a pretty bad headache?"

"Yeah, it hurts a lot."

"Well, there's a three percent chance that there's still bleeding that didn't show up on the scan. I would recommend that we do a spinal tap. We would take a sample of fluid from between your vertebrae and test it for the presence of blood. It's up to you though if you'd like to do this or not."

Jack looked at Troy. He could tell his eyes were pleading with him to say no. Troy had been through enough, but Jack trusted the Doctor's judgment. "I don't think we should take any chances."

"Dad, I just want to be with Mom," Troy complained.

"I know, but Mom's in surgery anyway. I just don't want to let it go and find out when it's too late that there's a problem."

"Troy, your Dad's right. This isn't anything to be taking chances with."

Troy hung his head. "Will it hurt?"

"Well, we're going to numb the area with an anesthetic and you'll feel a tiny poke from the needle. Then when we put the needle in to collect the fluid, you'll feel some pressure on your back, but that's about it."

"I really think we need to do this, Troy," Jack said.

"Okay, let's do it," he finally agreed.

"Alright, I'll be back in a few minutes," Dr. Patterson said as he walked out the door.

"Are you okay, Troy?"

"Yeah, I guess. But Dad, can I tell you something?"

"Of course you can, you can tell me anything. You know that."

"I'm scared," Troy said with tears reappearing. "I'm scared that we're gonna lose Mom."

"I know, Troy. I'm scared too, buddy, I'm scared too."

Troy slowly but surely with the help of his Dad began to calm down. While they waited for the doctor to come back, Troy fidgeted. There was so much on his mind.

_I can't stop worrying about Mom. There's no way God could take her from me. I mean, I'm not deeply religious, but I know that he couldn't do something like this to our family. And now I'm going to have a spinal tap? I'm supposed to be the tough basketball player, but somehow the idea of someone shoving a four inch needle in my back changes that just a little._

There was a knock on the door and Dr. Patterson came in with a nurse close on his heels.

"Okay, are you ready to get this over with?" he asked.

"I guess," Troy replied quietly.

"Okay, sit on the edge of the bed and put your feet on this chair," the nurse said as Dr. Patterson prepared the tray. She then lowered the tray table and pulled it in front of Troy. "Now rest your arms on here and try to push out your lower back as far as you can."

Troy felt uncomfortable in the position he was in as he listened to the clatter of materials on the metal tray.

"I'm going to undo the back of your gown and drape some sterile towels around the area," Dr. Patterson said.

Troy shivered as the cold air hit his back and goosebumps appeared.

"Now you're going to feel some cold stuff on your back. This is the Betadine. It's going to make sure you don't get an infection."

Troy felt the sponge with the orange colored antiseptic on it. He cringed slightly as a chill racked through his tired, exhausted body.

"Okay, now can you feel where I'm pushing on your back?"

"Yeah."

"I need you to push against my fingers as hard as you can. Having your back arched will help open up the spaces between your vertebrae."

Troy pushed back until Dr. Patterson said it was good. Jack stood up and took Troy's hand to let him know he was there for him.

"Okay, you're going to feel a small poke. This is the stuff that's going to numb it."

Troy took a deep breath and braced himself and was pleasantly surprised that it didn't hurt as much as he thought it would.

"I'm going to put the needle in now, Bud, okay?"

Troy whispered a barely audible, "okay" with bated breath and nodded his head.

"Alright, a little bit of pressure."

Troy's stomach hurt as he waited for the needle. Then he felt it. It was like an aching pain inside his back. He gasped and gripped his father's hand tightly. His muscles tensed painfully as he waited for Dr. Patterson to stop moving the needle around.

"Okay, it's in. Just give me a few seconds to finish collecting the fluid."

Dr. Patterson pulled the needle out and Troy relaxed.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?"

Troy shook his head and laid back down on the bed still holding his father's hand.

"Okay, we'll have the results here very soon. You need to lay flat on your back for at least an hour otherwise you'll end up with a pretty nasty headache. Once we have the results back, we can give you something for your headache. Until then," Dr. Patterson turned his attention back to Jack. "In case it's a concussion, keep a close eye on him for any behavioral changes and especially keep an eye on him if he's sleeping. I will have a nurse come in here to check his vitals every half hour or so. If you need anything, press the call button."

"Thank you, doctor," Jack replied, shaking his hand.

Jack pulled a chair next to his son's bed and took his hand. "It's already getting late. Why don't you try and get some sleep?"

"I'm just going to get woken up in a half an hour and I don't think I could sleep anyway."

"Well, at least close your eyes and try to relax. There's nothing else for us to do except wait."

Troy closed his eyes and waited for sleep to come his way.


	4. It's Not Supposed to Go Like That

Title: Nothing Left For Me

Summary: Troy, being the basketball star of East High, already has a lot of pressure athletically, not to mention academically. When he witnesses and suffers a devastating ordeal, he begins to wonder whether he can handle the stress.

Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Rating: T for mild swearing, graphic themes

Disclaimer: I do not own HSM, its characters, or mentioned name brands. I do, however own all original characters and brands.

* * *

**Chapter 4: It's Not Supposed to Go Like That**

After a few minutes, Troy finally fell asleep, probably from exhaustion. And just as Dr. Patterson said, a nurse came in a half an hour later to check on Troy. Jack smiled at her and woke Troy up.

"Mmm, five more minutes."

"Come on, Troy."

Troy opened his eyes and saw Meghan smiling at him. The young nurse was always so happy. Her blonde hair was parted and relaxed at the sides of her face.

She checked his vitals and gave him a 'thumbs up'. After she left, Troy looked pleadingly at his Dad. "Did you hear anything about Mom?"

"No, I've been here with you the whole time. When we get your test results, I'll go back and check on her, but I want to make sure you're okay first."

Troy nodded, feeling a little better. His relationship with his Dad has been strained lately. He always knew he cared, but he believed it now more than ever.

Troy closed his eyes again and sighed. A few seconds later, there was a knock at the door and Dr. Patterson walked in.

"Your spinal tap came back negative, so for the most part you're in the clear. Now that we're coming up on four hours after the incident, I want to ask you some questions, okay?"

Troy wasn't really sure what he meant, but he nodded anyway.

"Okay, what's your name?"

"Troy Bolton."

"What's your date of birth?"

"February 26, 1990."

"What's today's date?"

Troy paused. "I'm not really sure."

"Okay, that's fine. Do you know the year?"

"2007."

"Good. Okay, well, I'm pretty sure you have a concussion so I want to keep you here for a twenty-four hour observation period at least. Then there are special instructions that you'll need to follow once you're home. I'll give you an aftercare packet when I discharge you. Until then, I will have a nurse checking your vitals every hour and Mr. Bolton, you will need to still look for behavioral changes. Even the smallest change could be important."

Jack nodded and was relieved that it was just a concussion. Now he had to worry about his wife.

"Now that we know there's no bleeding or clots, I can give you something for your headache. Is it still around an eight on the pain scale?"

Troy nodded.

"Okay, I will send a nurse in here with some medication in a few minutes." Dr. Patterson paused for a moment to think. "I'll give you a combination of Demerol and Compazine – one for the pain, and the other for the nausea. Is he allergic to either of those?"

"Not that I'm aware of."

"Okay, great. If you need anything else, don't be afraid to ask."

Jack again stood and thanked the doctor. Once he left, Jack settled himself next to Troy's bed again. "I know it's late, but do you want me to call anyone for you?" he asked.

"Yeah, will you please call Gabriella and tell her what happened and that I'm okay?"

"Of course." Jack picked up the phone and dialed the number as Troy rattled it off.

"Hi, I'm sorry it's so late, but may I speak to Gabriella? This is Jack Bolton, Troy's Dad."

A few seconds went by and Jack finally spoke.

"Hey Gabriella, this is Troy's Dad. Troy asked me to call you. He and his mother were in an accident earlier tonight. Troy's fine. He has a concussion and a few cuts and bruises, but he'll be fine. Yeah, hold on a second." Jack looked at Troy. "Are you up for talking?"

Troy nodded his head and took the receiver. "Hey Gabriella."

"_Troy, oh my gosh, are you okay?"_

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

"_What about your Mom? Is she okay?"_

Troy bit his bottom lip a little. "I don't know, she's in surgery."

"_Are you allowed to have visitors right now? I can be there in like ten minutes."_

"No Gabi, it's fine. I need to try and sleep. Maybe tomorrow. They're keeping me for a twenty-four hour observation period."

"_Are you sure? I can be there."_

"No, it's fine. Could you do me a favor though?"

"_Yes, anything."_

"Will you call Chad and let him know what happened and that I'm okay?"

"_Of course. We'll come by tomorrow to see how you're doing. I hope you feel better soon."_

"Thanks. I love you Gabriella."

"_I love you too Troy."_

Troy handed the receiver back to his Dad and sighed. _I would give anything to have all of this just be a scary dream. I want to just close my eyes and pretend that none of this ever happened._

"Troy, I want to go check on Mom and see if she's out of surgery yet. Is that okay?"

"Yeah Dad, it's fine."

Jack kissed his son on the head, squeezed his hand, and left. Troy closed his eyes, but sleep refused to come. A few minutes later, Meghan came in.

"Hey Troy, I've got something to help you feel better," she said placing a syringe and antiseptic wipe on the table.

Troy groaned.

"I need your hip."

Troy winced when the needle went in and closed his eyes tight as the burning cocktail entered his veins.

He then turned back over and relaxed, feeling the medication slowly take effect.

"If your headache gets any worse, or anything doesn't feel right, let someone know right away, okay? I will be back in a little bit to check your vitals."

Troy was left alone again and things began to catch up to him. He pulled his knees to his chest and began to sob uncontrollably. _It's not supposed to go like that. This isn't supposed to happen. This is my senior year. I'm the wildcat superstar. This can't be happening._

Troy looked at the clock and saw that it read 2am. He sighed and dried his eyes. His heart felt heavy and his eyes bloodshot.

He closed his eyes tightly and tried desperately to sleep. Apparently it came, even though it didn't feel like it, because Meghan came in and woke him up an hour later.

"Is the headache any better?"

"A little."

"That's good. You're Mom's out of surgery now so we're gonna move you up to her room, okay?"

Troy nodded his head. He was happy to finally be able to see his Mom, but he was worried about what she would look like. Troy sat in the wheelchair and was taken to the fourth floor. When they reached the room, he saw his father sitting next to his Mom, holding her hand.

When he looked at her, he sucked in a breath. Her face was bruised and she had a large cut across her forehead. Newly formed tears stung his dried out eyes. He sat on the cold bed in the space next to her and stared at her broken form. She looked like she was in so much pain.

Jack looked at his son and was speechless. He knew there was nothing more he could say to make him feel better when he, himself, was also hurting inside.

Troy was completely motionless as he continued to stare at her. His mind was completely quiet for the first time since the accident. Meghan had left and only he and his Dad remained in the room with her.

Jack stood up and walked over by Troy.

"You should really try and get some sleep. The doctors said she was going to be out for a while."

"I won't be able to sleep. I want to see her when she wakes up."

"I know. The nurses will be waking you up very hour anyway and I'll wake you up the moment she's awake, okay?"

Troy nodded, laid back on the bed and covered up with the help of his dad. The beeping of his mother's heart rate monitor became a melodic lullaby.

He remembered the nurses waking him up two times to check his vitals and he was able to go back to sleep after both interruptions.

Troy was suddenly awakened by commotion in the hall. He quickly sat up and adjusted his eyes and ears to what was going on.

"I need someone in here!"

Troy's eyes were wide as he realized the once melodic monitor had transformed into a beeping frenzy. He sat up quickly, despite protests from his head, and ran to his mother's side.

A doctor and two nurses came rushing in with a crash cart. Tears streamed down Troy's face as his knees became weak.

"Sir, you need to step back," one of the nurses said, tugging on his arm.

Troy started to put up a fight, but his father pulled him away and sat on his bed with him. The nurse closed the divider restricting their view of the situation. Troy tried to fight against his Dad, but he only held on tighter as they both cried.

"Charge to two-fifty!" the doctor called out. "Clear!"

Troy winced as he heard them shock his mother. His breathing became quicker as he cried uncontrollably.

"Charge to three-hundred! Hurry, she's in V-Tach! Clear!"

Troy winced again as his father held him tight. The tears came like waterfalls.

"Again! Clear!"

After the last shock, nothing was heard except the persistent whining of the monitor.

"Time of death, four thirty-seven."

Troy cried out and sobbed into his father's shoulder. He gasped for precious air with clenched fists. His father on the other hand was quietly crying as he tried to comfort his grieving son.

"Troy, try to breathe," Jack said desperately, afraid he would pass out.

The old, grey haired doctor saw Troy's struggle and came quickly. "Whoa there, slow down, son. Try to take some deep breaths."

Troy continued his quickly paced gasps as he gripped his father's shirt tightly.

"I need five of Pentobarbital!" the doctor said.

A nurse brought him a syringe and he quickly injected it into Troy's neck. Within seconds, Troy's body became limp in Jack's arms.

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AN: So there's Chapter 4. Please please please review. I need your input to continue. Thanks so much to those who have reviewed already - believe me, it is not going unnoticed. Hope you continue to enjoy.


	5. I'm Sorry

Title: Nothing Left For Me

Summary: Troy, being the basketball star of East High, already has a lot of pressure athletically, not to mention academically. When he witnesses and suffers a devastating ordeal, he begins to wonder whether he can handle the stress.

Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Rating: T for mild swearing, graphic themes

Disclaimer: I do not own HSM, its characters, or mentioned name brands. I do, however own all original characters and brands.

* * *

**Chapter 5: I'm Sorry**

The night was a long one for Troy and his Dad. The nurses continued to check Troy's vitals as Jack sat next to his bed. By morning, Jack was exhausted. He'd had no sleep and he was completely cried out. Jennifer was moved to the morgue almost immediately afterwards.

As the clock approached ten-thirty, Troy stirred.

"Dad? Dad?"

"I'm right here," Jack said, grabbing his hand.

The memories of the past fourteen hours came flooding back to him. The crash, the hospital, his mother.

"But Mom, she's - - she's,"

"She died Troy. I'm sorry."

Troy began to cry hysterically. Jack was at a loss. He didn't know what to do for him. They were both grieving. Jack tried to hug him, but he pulled away. Troy pulled his knees to his chest and buried his head. He soon stopped crying and looked up to stare motionless at the wall.

A few minutes later, Dr. Patterson came to check on Troy.

"Good! You're awake. How are things going?" he asked gently. "How's your head feeling?"

Troy stayed silent still staring at the same place on the wall.

"Troy?" Dr. Patterson said, bending down to look Troy in the eye.

Jack looked worried as he observed the behavior of his unresponsive son.

"Troy, I want to take a look at your chest, okay?" No response.

Dr. Patterson reached around and untied the back of his gown. Troy lowered his knees and stayed still allowing Dr. Patterson to lower the gown.

Jack was horrified as he saw all of the bruises. There was a large diagonal stripe across his chest from the seatbelt and various other marks and lines. As Dr. Patterson carefully examined them, Troy did nothing except occasionally wince in pain.

"Things are looking pretty good. Troy, how's your head?" he tried to ask again desperately wanting some kind of a response. Answered with silence, he re-tied Troy's gown and began to examine his head. Troy held the stoic expression with glassy eyes.

Dr. Patterson motioned for Jack to follow him out in the hallway.

"Well, physically, I think Troy is fine," he began, "but I'm worried about his mental status. I'm no therapist, but I think it goes much deeper than simply grieving.

Jack nodded. "I know, he's never acted like this before. I'm worried about him."

"I'd like to have a social worker speak to him and recommend a psychologist. I think that you both should be talking to someone."

"I agree. How long before you think a social worker can get down here?"

"I'll have to check. I don't know how many are on call and they might be backed up this morning. Hopefully soon. For now, just go be with him. Does he have any close friends that could come see him?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course. I think one is supposed to come by later."

"Okay, well, I still want his vitals checked every hour, but as long as all goes well, we should be able to release him later tonight around six or seven."

"Thank you."

Dr. Patterson walked away and Jack made his way back in the room to find Troy the same way he left him. Jack sat down and sighed. In a little more than twelve hours, his life had been turned upside down.

He had to call Jennifer's parents earlier that morning and tell them what happened and it hurt him so bad. And now with Troy so upset, he didn't know what to do. Everything had to be put on hold. He didn't know if things would ever be normal again.

A little bit later at eleven-thirty, a nurse came in and checked his vitals. His temperature was normal and his blood pressure a little high, but she said it was okay.

Then around noon, a lunch tray was brought in. It remained untouched no matter how much Jack pleaded with Troy to eat something. He finally gave up knowing it couldn't last forever.

And so the afternoon came and things stayed quiet. Jack turned the television on and even switched it to MTV hoping it would encourage Troy to have some kind of a reaction.

Around three-thirty, there was another knock at the door. Getting used to it, Jack assumed it was a nurse and said nothing. The door opened and Gabriella and Chad stepped in.

"Hey guys," Jack said with as much enthusiasm he could muster up, hoping it would catch Troy's attention. He quickly stood up and approached them before they could get any closer.

"Jennifer - - passed earlier this morning."

Gabriella's eyes became wet with tears as she looked past Jack to her boyfriend's empty expression.

"Troy hasn't really spoken since it happened. I'm a little worried about him."

Chad walked up to Troy's bedside. "Hey man, I'm glad you're okay. Maybe once you get better, we can play a little one on one and I'll let you win."

Troy went as far as making eye contact with his best friend. It wasn't much, but it was an improvement.

Gabriella hugged him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. His sad, lost eyes met hers and she squeezed his hand. It was like they were communicating without saying a word.

Gabriella sat on the edge of Troy's bed and put her arm around him. Tears immediately pierced his eyes. She didn't know what else to do other than be there for him. She had never seen him this upset before.

A nurse came and checked his vitals, then the four of them sat quietly watching TV. Gabriella held tight to Troy's hand so he knew she was ready if he wanted to talk.

Soon, Gabriella's cell phone rang. She nodded ask she spoke and looked over at Troy when she hung up.

"My Mom said I need to head home." She kissed him on the forehead, still upset he hadn't said anything yet. "I love you Troy. Don't be afraid to call me if you need me, no matter what time it is."

He looked at her with eyes that said 'okay' and she stood to follow Chad out the door.

"Thanks for coming, guys," Jack said, glad that they were able to get through a little.

"Yeah, bye Coach," Chad replied.

Ten minutes later, at four-thirty, another nurse came in right on time to check on Troy who again, remained quiet.

Just before she left, Jack whispered, not wanting Troy to hear. "Do you know if the social worker is coming?"

"It should be anytime now." She smiled and left.

Jack chose to seize the opportunity and try to get through to his son. He sat on the edge of Troy's bed facing him and looked directly into his eyes.

"Troy, I know you're upset. I am too. You aren't the only one who lost someone. We need to work together to get through this because it's just you and me now, okay?"

Troy began to sob again. The new tears streamed down his warm face. "I'm - - sorry. I'm really - - sorry."

"Sorry? What do you mean you're sorry?"

"She felt bad for me and wanted to take me out. I was being selfish." He paused to gather himself. "If I hadn't said yes, this wouldn't have happened."

"Come on Troy, that's ridiculous. This isn't your fault. I talked to the police and he said a drunk driver hit you. That's not your fault." Jack knew his son was being irrational, but he didn't know what else to say.

"Come here." Jack pulled Troy close to him and let him cry it out. He knew there were going to be a lot of days like this, but he knew that if they worked together, they could get through them.

Another twenty minutes went by with no interruptions until the door opened. A young, petite woman with short, brown hair walked in wearing a warm smile.

"Hey, I'm Julie. I'm the social worker on call this afternoon."

Troy looked at his father with confused eyes.

"You're Troy Bolton?" she asked, shaking his hand.

Troy nodded, still confused.

"Mr. Bolton, if you could give us a few moments?"

"Yeah, sure, of course," he stammered. Jack gave Troy an encouraging smile knowing that he wasn't happy about talking to a social worker.

Once Jack was gone, Julie pulled up a chair to Troy's bed. "Dr. Patterson asked me to come speak to you, okay?"

Again, he nodded.

"So why don't you describe to me what happened last night?"

Troy stayed silent. All he'd done the past few hours was try to _forget_ what happened, but the silence was deafening.

"I don't remember," he quickly shot out.

"Oh Troy, sure you do. I know you don't want to talk about it, but it will make things better."

"How do you know?"

"Try me."

Troy didn't know what else to say. He was angry that he even had to talk to a social worker, but he knew she wanted to get through to him.

"My Mom wanted to take me out and go do something so we went to the mall. We were driving home and.." Troy paused as the sight of the other car coming shot into his head. More tears stung his eyes.

Troy figured he must've cried more in the last twenty-four hours than he had in his entire lifetime.

"It's okay," Julie said encouragingly. "Keep going."

"I saw a car coming from the side street. He didn't stop. He just kept going. When he hit us, I blacked out. I don't know how long. When I woke up, she wasn't talking." The image of his mother's bloodied face was imprinted in Troy's mind forever. He began to cry harder.

"Okay, try to take some deep breaths," she said as his emotions took over.

Once he calmed down, she smiled warmly. "I think that's good enough for now. I would like you to see a counselor though. Is that okay?"

Troy sat for a minute. _A shrink? There's nothing wrong with me. Shrinks are for crazy people and I'm not crazy, right? I don't know, maybe it would help to talk. It already helped a little talking to Julie._ Troy then nodded to her, glad that she was there to help. He knew that he had a long road ahead. He didn't think things would be normal. He missed his Mom so much. Troy didn't know whether he could make it without her.

* * *

AN: Okay, so I apologize for the gap in updates. With the holiday season and finals, things have been kind of crazy. Hope you enjoyed. Please review, your thoughts are like gold to an aspiring writer. Thanks for reading, and thanks to those who have reviewed.


	6. With All My Heart

Title: Nothing Left For Me

Summary: Troy, being the basketball star of East High, already has a lot of pressure athletically, not to mention academically. When he witnesses and suffers a devastating ordeal, he begins to wonder whether he can handle the stress.

Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Rating: T for mild swearing, graphic themes

Disclaimer: I do not own HSM, its characters, or mentioned name brands. I do, however own all original characters and brands.

* * *

**Chapter 6: With All My Heart**

The rest of the evening was relatively quiet. While Troy was still grieving, he was doing better. He wanted to go home more than anything but he was also afraid to.

Around six-thirty, Gabriella called. Troy told his Dad to say he was sleeping. After he hung up, a concerned look came over Jack's face.

"Why didn't you want to talk to Gabriella?"

"I just don't feel like it, okay?" Troy said, turning away from his father.

Things were quiet for a while longer until there was yet another knock at the door and Dr. Patterson walked in.

"You're still here?" Jack asked, surprised.

"Actually, no. I just got on. I went home to sleep and freshen up. I'm scheduled for a fourteen hour shift tonight. So Troy, how are you feeling?"

"Better I guess, just really sore," he replied.

"That's normal. I know I said I wanted to keep you for twenty-four hours, but I'm thinking that if everything checks out, you can leave in a half-hour or so.

Troy was relieved. He would do anything to leave that room.

Troy stayed quiet while Dr. Patterson did the examination. When he was finished, he washed his hands and smiled.

"Everything is looking good. Let me go get your discharge papers and everything set and you'll be outta here."

He left and came back moments later.

"Here are your discharge papers," he said, handing a pink sheet to Jack. "And here is the aftercare packet for a mild to major concussion. Make sure you read it thoroughly. Behavioral changes are the most important to look for. And no physically straining activity for two weeks or so. You'll need to make a follow up appointment with your family doctor and they can tell you when you can return to the physical activities. As soon as you're ready, get a nurse here from the hallway and she will wheel you down. Do you need a pair of scrubs to wear home?"

Troy thought about his bloodied clothes sitting in the plastic bag next to his bed, and nodded.

"Okay, I will have someone bring those. For now, take Tylenol for pain. If it's still pretty bad, you can have your doctor prescribe something. Do you have any questions?"

"No, I think we're all set. Thank you so much for everything," Jack said, shaking his hand.

By eight-o-clock, Troy was in the car on his way home. The ride was awful. Every single bump on the road caused his muscles to burn.

When they arrived home, Troy went immediately upstairs to his bedroom. "I'm going to bed," he called to his Dad.

"Aren't you hungry? You haven't eaten anything."

"No, not really. I'm just tired."

Jack decided to just let his son sleep. He figured he needed it.

Troy laid down on his bed and began to cry. He was facing the realization that his mother was never coming home.

After a few minutes, he reached under his bed and pulled out an old Nike shoe box. He pulled the top off and grabbed the stack of pictures inside. Troy smiled as he flipped through them with memories flowing strong. He found a picture of him and Chad playing basketball in 2nd grade. Then there was his third place ribbon from his 5th grade school spelling bee. Another picture was of him and his parents when they took him to Disneyland in kindergarten. Tears glistened in his eyes as he gazed at the photos.

Troy got up and locked the door. He didn't want to be bothered. Then he shut the lights off and went to bed.

The next day, the usual glamour of a Saturday New Mexico sun wasn't there. Instead, Troy woke up to cloudy skies and pouring down rain. The weather fit his mood as he laid there listening to the pitter patter on the roof. He glanced at the digital alarm clock and was surprised to see that it read 1:20. Troy couldn't believe that he had slept that long.

He tried to sit up but was met with a painful resistance. Troy lifted his shirt and lightly ran his fingers over the colored, bruised skin. He sucked in a breath when he hit a particularly painful spot. He realized he hadn't taken anything since the pain shot at the hospital two nights ago.

After taking a deep breath, he slowly and painfully rose up, hanging his feet over the edge. Troy sat quietly trying to muster up the strength to walk. Eventually, he got up, quietly opened his door and made his way to the bathroom. Once he turned on the light and shut the door, he stared at his reflection in the mirror. The bandage was still on his forehead and the area around his eyes was still puffy. His body looked vulnerable and his mind felt broken beyond repair. In the course of one night, he had lost everything. She was his life. She was his savior. She was his guardian angel. Now he had to learn how to function without her. He knew no one could ever take the place of her. She was never coming back.

Troy was so overwhelmed. He felt like his heart had dropped to his stomach and like his head would burst at any moment. He knew he couldn't face his Dad like this. He didn't want to see his pain. The pain that he had caused him. It would be too much. Troy's mind wandered where he said it would never go. He knew of a way to relieve the pressure and the pain. It was a way that was common among teenagers and he wondered whether it would really work. He figured there was only one way to find out.

Troy rummaged through the bathroom cabinets for almost five minutes before he found what he was looking for. He held the package with both hands as he stared. The metal glistened in the light with a blurry reflection of himself shining back at him. With shaky hands, he slowly pulled the plastic away from the cardboard and allowed the blade to clatter on the bathroom counter. He grabbed it and a dark green washcloth before slumping to the floor.

Troy just stared at the metal wonder not sure if he was ready.

_Does this really solve anything? Probably not. But what if it does? Is there anything else I can do?_

"Troy? Are you up?"

Troy looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Jack Bolton was coming upstairs. He quickly shoved the blade in the plastic, wrapped it in the cloth, and hid it under the sink.

He slowly stood up and opened the door to see his Dad peeking in his bedroom.

"Oh good, you're up," he said, as happy as he could. "I was wondering how long you would sleep. Why don't you come down and eat some lunch?"

"I'm not really hungry," he answered quietly.

"Are you sure? Because I made some sandwiches. They're your favo-,"

"I said I'm not hungry, okay?" Troy repeated with a stern twinge in his voice.

"Okay, well, um, I guess I'll uh, be downstairs if you need me."

Troy didn't even reply before walking in his room and closing the door tightly. He grabbed his phone and turned it on. The home screen blinked 3 new voicemails. Troy wasn't really in the mood, but he decided to listen anyway. The first was from Gabriella.

"Hey Troy. Just uh, wondering how you're doing. Your Dad told me you're home now so I'm gonna try and stop by later today, okay? Well, uh, I guess I'll see you later. Hope you feel better. "

Troy skipped to the second message and heard Chad's familiar voice.

"Hey man, you were really off yesterday. I hope you're feeling better. Some of the guys and me are gonna stop by so be ready for some wildcat madness later, okay? See ya."

The automated voicemail cued the third message. It was the voice of an over-excited girl.

"Hey Troy! It's Sharpay! I heard about the accident. That totally sucks. Well, I hope it doesn't affect the auditions for the winter musical. Well, hope ya feel better! Bye!"

Troy rolled his eyes and groaned before hanging up the phone. _What's wrong with that girl?_

The next part of the afternoon was relatively quiet. Troy, being mentally exhausted, just sat in his room with the stereo on. He didn't really know what else to do. Troy was afraid to watch the news. He didn't want to see the news story.

Around 3:30, Jack knocked on Troy's door and waited a few seconds before coming in.

"Hey Troy, um, I need to go down to the funeral home, I get some things taken care of. I'd really like you to come with. I need you there with me." He sounded desperate.

Troy nearly choked. He hadn't even thought about that. He didn't really want to go, but he knew his Dad was hurting just as much as he was so he slowly nodded.

"Okay, well, get dressed. We'll leave in twenty minutes or so."

It was an awkward and scary trip. They had to pick out a casket and decide which pictures they wanted on display. Troy could only take so much. Before too long, he had to get some fresh air. He didn't want to face the fact that she was gone. It just wasn't fair.

Troy and Jack rode home in silence until Jack made a wrong turn.

"Dad, what are you doing?" Troy asked, concerned.

"We're just gonna take a different way home, okay?" Jack said as pleasantly as possible.

Troy then realized that he was avoiding the accident scene, but he wasn't complaining. He wanted to stay as far away from there as possible.

"What do you want for dinner?" Jack asked awkwardly when they walked in the door.

"I'm not really hungry."

"Okay, Troy, that's enough. When's the last time you ate?"

"Dad, really, I feel sick to my stomach. Anything I try to eat will just come back up anyway."

Jack just took a deep breath and nodded knowing there was no way he could win the battle. The importance of a counselor crossed his mind for the third time that day.

Troy went back in his room and laid on his bed gazing at his clock. 7:06. The time passed agonizingly slow. But what else was there to do? Nothing. 7:07. Troy suddenly looked up when he heard voices downstairs.

"Yeah, we just got home. He's up in his room."

Soon there was a knock at the door and Troy's favorite brunette walked in.

"Hey Gabriella," he said, trying to put on his best smile.

All she did was hug him tightly. Troy began to cry. He felt like he hadn't seen her in ages and it felt so good being in her arms. She pulled back and looked him in the eyes.

"Troy Bolton, I love you with all my heart and no matter how hard you push me away, I will always be right here by your side, okay?"

Troy smiled and nodded through his tears.

"No matter how much you try, you will never get rid of me."

The young lovers held each other and laid on Troy's bed. Troy felt okay for the first time since the accident. He knew it wouldn't last forever, but all he cared about was that exact moment. He was in the arms of the most beautiful girl in the world who loved him with everything she had. That was all that mattered.

Eventually, he fell asleep. She woke him up around ten-thirty so she could leave. She gave him a hug and a passionate kiss before leaving. Troy smiled as he fell back asleep.

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AN: Alright, there's the latest chapter. I hope you all enjoyed it. Thank you so so much to all my faithful reviewers. You guys are the greatest. Thanks to all who have given feedback and all who will. You guys rock!


	7. I'll Be Fine

Title: Nothing Left For Me

Summary: Troy, being the basketball star of East High, already has a lot of pressure athletically, not to mention academically. When he witnesses and suffers a devastating ordeal, he begins to wonder whether he can handle the stress.

Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Rating: T for mild swearing, graphic themes

Disclaimer: I do not own HSM, its characters, or mentioned name brands. I do, however own all original characters and brands.

* * *

**Chapter 7: I'll Be Fine**

-DREAM SEQUENCE-

Troy is wandering through the woods near the accident scene.

"Mom, where are you? What happened?" he called out into the night. There was no response.

Troy stood for a second listening for even the slightest noise when he heard a quiet voice from behind him.

"I'm right here, honey."

Troy turned around and was horrified to be staring in the broken face of his mother. Her hair was matted down and she was crying tears of deep, red blood.

-END DREAM SEQUENCE-

Troy sat straight up in bed with beads of sweat rolling down his warm forehead. His eyes were wide as he tried to adjust to the darkness. His heart felt like it would beat out of his chest. Once he realized he was back in his room, he began to relax. He couldn't get his mother's image out of his mind. Her bloodstained face glowed and her eyes seemed to plead for help. Troy was overcome by the sheer stress of the night as tears spilled over.

He eventually stood up and walked shakily towards the bathroom. He looked over the railing of the hallway to the main floor and saw his Dad sleeping somewhat restlessly on the couch. He didn't blame him one bit for not wanting to sleep in his own bed.

After going to the bathroom, Troy once again pulled out the fascinating piece of metal and stared at it. He then glanced at himself in the mirror and just as quickly looked away. He hated the sight of himself. He was still convinced the accident was his fault. If he hadn't turned the radio up or better yet, if he hadn't been so selfish and had skipped the trip all together. He had caused so much pain for his parents. Deep down, Troy knew that these ideas were ridiculous, but he was too guilt ridden to figure it out.

Troy sat against the wall on the floor and looked at his arm in the light. He could see the blue colored vessels running just beneath the surface. With shaky hands, he slid the blade across his arm, a few inches below his wrist. Troy hissed in pain as the spots of blood trickled out. The release was euphoric. He let the trace of blood run down his arm before carefully dabbing it with the dark cloth.

He did it again and again until his left arm was red and irritated. When he was satisfied, he cleaned up his arm completely and buried the small towel in the garbage.

Troy smiled and laughed to himself. He had finally found a way to beat the beast of guilt. His arm was tender, but his mind was at peace. He could finally pay for his mistakes. He couldn't bear to think about the pain she was in, but now he could experience it. Maybe she wouldn't hate him.

Once he was broken from his reveries, Troy rinsed the blade in the clear, running water, placed it back in the plastic, and hid it under the sink.

The next morning, Troy woke up to his Dad shaking him.

"Mmm, what?"

"I thought we could go to church today."

Troy opened his eyes and was puzzled. "But we never go to church."

"I know, that's why I think we should go."

Troy shook his head. "No thanks, I'll pass."

"Why? Come on Troy, let's go."

"No, I just don't want to, okay?" Troy snapped back.

Jack's eyes dropped slightly, but he nodded. "I'll be back in about an hour and a half."

After Jack left, Troy couldn't get back to sleep. As he made his way downstairs, his stomach growled. It was then that Troy realized he hadn't eaten in days.

Troy grabbed something to munch on and sat down in front of the TV. The rest of the morning went slow. When Jack returned, Troy quietly made sure he knew he didn't want to hear anything about his little church fieldtrip. It sounded awful, but Troy wanted nothing to do with church. God took his mother and that wasn't fair.

Later that afternoon, Chad, Jason, and Zeke stopped by. Troy was happy to see them, but he wasn't really in the mood to talk so most of the affair was quiet.

"So when's the funeral and everything?" Chad asked, cautiously.

"Visitation is Tuesday from 2-8 and the funeral is Wednesday morning at 10."

"Well, you know we'll be there. We're gonna get you through this," Chad said, laying a hand on Troy's back. "We're all in this together, remember?"

"Thanks, guys," he replied.

"Alright, well, I guess we'll let you go. See you on Tuesday at the visitation?"

"No, tomorrow. I'll be at school."

"You're going to school tomorrow? Are you sure you should?" Zeke asked.

"I can't miss any more school. I already missed Friday. I'll be fine."

Chad looked worried. "Don't kill yourself, man," he said, trying to smile.

"Hey, no worries. I know what I'm doing."

Chad, Zeke, and Jason decided to trust him, but they were definitely worried.

As Sunday afternoon faded into evening, Troy ate his first real meal in three days knowing he would need the strength for Monday. As it got later, Troy brought his school stuff to the bottom step as usual and his Dad looked at him, puzzled.

"You're not going to school, are you?"

"Yeah, I can't miss any more time."

"I think you should stay home. You're still really bruised and cut up."

"Dad, I'm seventeen. I think I can decide for myself when I want to go to school or not."

"Really, I think you should take it easy for a few days."

"We'll you're going. Why can't I?"

"It's different."

"No, Dad, it's not. I'm going tomorrow whether you like it or not."

Jack sighed, knowing there was going to be a difficult time ahead.

The next morning was awkward. Both men got ready to leave in silence, hardly taking the time to acknowledge one another. Troy insisted on driving himself even though his Dad offered.

When Troy parked and began walking up to those familiar East High doors, he was followed with whispers and stares. He was one of the most popular guys in school so naturally, the whole school already knew.

He did his best to ignore everyone and head straight to his locker. He put everything in and made his way to homeroom as the five minute bell rang.

When he walked in to Mrs. Darbus' room, it became dead silent. He looked and saw Gabriella, Jason, and Chad talking.

"Troy! How are you? I can't believe you came today. Chad said you would, but I didn't believe him."

Gabriella ran to him and hugged him tightly.

"Ow," he said softly.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She pulled back and awkward silence ensued.

"So are you doing, um, okay?" Chad finally asked.

"Yeah, I uh, I'm fine."

Suddenly the bell broke their conversation, or lack there of.

"Alright, that's enough. There isn't time to waste today people!" Mrs. Darbus said loudly over the endlessly talking students.

The day dragged on for Troy. Not only did he have to face the whole school, but he had to at least attempt to pay attention in class.

During free period, Troy sat in the back of the gym where no one could see him and watched the rest of the team practice. He felt weird watching. He had no idea how long he had to stay away from the court, but the time was agonizing.

When lunch period came, Troy stayed away from his friends and took his lunch to one of the empty stairwells. He stared at the food breathing heavily. His stomach wrenched inside and suddenly, he didn't feel hungry. This morning was the worst for Troy. Usually, his Mom came in to wake him up when he had pushed the snooze button one too many times and had breakfast hot and ready for him when he made it downstairs. Instead, he woke up late to the persistent whining of his alarm clock and skipped breakfast because he didn't have time. It just wasn't anywhere near what he was used to. When he left the house, he didn't get a kiss from his Mom or lunch money in a cute little envelope. He was a Senior in high school, but that didn't mean he didn't miss all her motherly gestures. As he thought about it, he realized he didn't hug his Mom as often as he would have liked. Did she know how much he cared for her? Did she know how much he was hurting without her? He figured she knew now.

Troy took a deep breath after tossing his untouched lunch in the garbage knowing he had to go to his Pre-Calc class. He could only imagine how far behind he would be from the day that he missed and all the homework he didn't have done in the first place.

Making his way to room 243 upstairs, Troy ran into Gabriella.

"Hey Troy. We missed you at lunch. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just went to try and get some homework done. I don't want to get behind. I mean, I need every scholarship I can get."

"Oh, well, alright. If you need anything though, you can talk to me. I mean, whenever. No matter what time it is, you know you can call me."

"Yeah, thanks Gabi."

"So, um, do you want to do anything tonight? Let's go see a movie or something."

"No, I really can't. I have too much to do. I'd better get to class though. I don't want to be late."

"Okay," she said putting on the best smile she could. "I'll talk to you soon, okay? Maybe I"ll stop by during your practice." Gabriella hugged him and kissed him on the cheek.

Troy nodded and hurried off to his class. He walked in to the loud room full of gossiping students and put his head down on the desk wishing the day would end.

After school, Troy got together all of his books and walked slowly down to the gym. When he got there, it was empty. He figured the rest of the team was in the locker room. He took a seat on one of the pulled out bleachers and sat in silence.

He looked up quickly as he saw his Dad exit the locker room.

"Hey playmaker. How was your day?"

"Okay, I guess."

"Rough time?"

Troy nodded awkwardly.

"Yeah, me too. Don't worry though. We'll get through this. I know it."

They both turned to see the rest of the wildcats filing out with great enthusiasm.

"So, what do you want to run?" Chad asked.

"Guys, I can't play. I'm not allowed to yet."

"That doesn't matter. You're still team captain. Tell us what to do."

Troy smiled genuinely for the first time in a while. He called out a warm up routine and watched, almost with jealously, as his teammates played hard.

Immediately after practice, Troy walked out to his car, and headed home.

Getting home before his Dad, he brought his book bag up to his room and turned on his stereo. It had been a stressful day. All Troy wanted to do was sit in his room and have no one bother him. Though, he didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea. He was finally feeling like things were starting to heal. He just didn't want anyone to help. He didn't need anyone's help. He could do it himself.

His Dad got home a little later with pizza. He hadn't really felt like cooking since Jennifer passed. Troy ate a little, picked at the toppings, but not much. He wasn't worried. He was sure his appetite would come back eventually.

Eventually Jack spoke up. "You should probably set out a nice outfit for tomorrow."

Troy gulped. He knew the day was coming, but he wanted to pretend it wasn't. It was his Mom's visitation. It was the day when tons of people stop by to tell you how sorry they are even though they have no idea how you're feeling. It was going to be just awful.

"I already called you in to school. We'll have to leave here by twelve-thirty so we can get everything there set before people start showing up."

Troy stayed quiet.

"Remember what I said? We're gonna get through this together, okay? Believe me, I'm not looking forward to it, but we need to get it over with. Who knows, maybe it will be a blessing is disguise."

Troy sighed and continued picking at his food.

* * *

AN: Okay, so as I see it, this chapter was either your best friend, or your worst enemy. Let me know which ;) Reviews are very much appreciated. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far as well as added this story to their favorites/alert list. You have know idea how much your feedback means, or if you write, you probably do. So let me know what you think and have a great weekend! (By the way, I'm reading a book called The Kite Runner right now and I recommend it, so check it out!)


	8. This Isn't Nothing

Title: Nothing Left For Me

Summary: Troy, being the basketball star of East High, already has a lot of pressure athletically, not to mention academically. When he witnesses and suffers a devastating ordeal, he begins to wonder whether he can handle the stress.

Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Rating: T for mild swearing, graphic themes

Disclaimer: I do not own HSM, its characters, or mentioned name brands. I do, however own all original characters and brands.

* * *

**Chapter 8: This Isn't Nothing**

Troy was suddenly awakened by a flash of lightning and the clash of thunder. He sat up in bed and checked his clock. It was only five-thirty. He rolled his eyes and laid back down. It was going to be a long day.

After nearly twenty minutes of trying to get back to sleep, he gave up and decided to check his email for the first time since the accident.

There was nothing really surprising. There were a few from his friends at school telling him how sorry they were, a few lame jokes, and a few cheesy chain letters from family members.

Troy took a deep breath. There was something he had been wanting to do, but was too afraid. He clicked the address bar and typed in .com, the internet site for the Action 7 News.

When the page loaded, he scanned the list of recent local news until he found it. Troy clicked on the article and braced himself.

_"Local Woman Killed by Drunk Driver in Thursday Night Crash"  
By Nate Camenga, __Staff Writer_

_November 3, 2007_

_Police responded to a call Thursday night around eight-thirty of a crash near 112th and Wilson. Local woman Jennifer Bolton, 39, and her son Troy, 17, were hit on their way home. Stephen Grames, 32, ran a stop sign and hit the two in their SUV. Sgt. James Kemp, the first officer on scene, described Grames as being 'intoxicated beyond the legal limit'. _

_Information obtained by our own Action 7 reporters says that this wasn't Grames' first run in with the law. Back in May of 2006, Grames was charged with two DUI's from separate occasions._

_Jennifer Bolton was taken to Albuquerque General with severe injuries and was pronounced dead at 4:37am Friday morning. Troy was reported as having only minor injuries. Grames was arrested on the scene and is awaiting arraignment in the Bernalillo County Courthouse. No comments have been made on the specific charges that will be filed. _

Troy's eyes were tear-filled as he read the article and gazed at the picture of the totaled vehicle. He didn't remember it being nearly that smashed, but then again, most of that night was a blur anyway.

Troy printed out the article and placed it in his shoebox. The action itself defeated the purpose of the box. It was a place for happy memories, not sad ones. Regardless, Troy felt the need to hold on to the depressing news story. Maybe one day, he could throw it away, but not today. He wasn't ready to move on.

He glanced at the clock again and was angry to find that only a few minutes had passed. The thunder continued to roar loudly as the lightning illuminated the darkened room.

It seemed that for the first time since the accident, Troy truly felt alone. There was no one there to comfort him and tell him it would be okay. But then again, there was Gabriella who promised to always be there for him. As quickly as the idea came on, Troy shook it off. He had to be independent. He couldn't spend his whole life leaning on other people just because he felt a little upset.

For the next few hours, he tried to keep his mind off everything. Thinking about it would only make it worse. He never went back to sleep, so he chose to instead flip through old issues of Sports Illustrated.

As nine-o-clock painfully approached, the storm died down and Troy decided to take a shower. The scalding hot water cascaded down his body and stung at the three day old cuts resting on his forearm. He stared at the red, irritated marks and examined them ever so carefully. Ever since that night, the first night, something inside him was nagging him, begging him, to do it again. But the time wasn't right, not yet, but soon, definitely soon.

Troy climbed out of the shower and got dressed in his Sunday best. He slowly walked downstairs and briefly passed his father in the kitchen. Neither father, nor son said a word, though they both knew what the other was thinking. Troy wasn't much in the mood for breakfast so he settled for spending the last bit of time left in his room alone with his thoughts.

A little later, Jack came up and knocked on the door.

"You ready to go?"

"Sure," he replied simply.

"And just to let you know, I made you an appointment with Dr. Aaberg for Thursday after school. Hopefully he can give you a clean bill of health to get back on the court soon."

Troy just nodded to show he was listening, even though he truly wasn't.

When he and his father arrived at the funeral home, there were many people waiting there to help them set things up. Jack went to take care of business and Troy tiptoed into the main viewing room.

The room had cream colored walls and blood-red carpet. Highly inappropriate in Troy's opinion for such an event as this. The smell of covered-up death hit him like a brick wall. It was unsettling at the least. He saw her face across the way and suddenly couldn't move.

After a few seconds, he finally began to walk, one step at a time, towards the open casket. She didn't look hurt at all, but she looked unnatural. Only small breaths escaped from his lips as he stared.

Troy was startled when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned and saw Mark, the funeral director, standing behind him.

"Hey there. Does she look okay?"

"I guess," Troy replied quietly.

"Anything I can do to make it easier?"

"Not really."

Mark patted him on the shoulder and left him alone.

Before long, people started showing up, including his grandparents. Troy put on the best smile he could for everyone and put up with all the hugs and the 'I'm sorrys'.

When the afternoon came, Troy's friends began to stop by. First up was the wildcat basketball team.

"Hey Troy," Chad said. "How are things going?"

"Good I guess. As good as it can be."

"That's good. I'm really, really sorry. You know she was like a Mom to all of us too," Zeke said.

"Yeah, I know," Troy replied smiling.

They stood and chatted for a few minutes until Gabriella came and they decided to leave the young lovers alone.

"Hey Troy. Are you doing okay? Is there anything I can do?" she asked, staring into Troy's eyes. For the first time, his eyes seemed more grey than blue.

"No, not really."

She grabbed his hand and smiled. "Come on, let's take a walk."

She led him outside into the warm New Mexico fall weather. He had to admit, the fresh air felt good.

The weather outside in no way depicted the feelings at the funeral home that day. The sun glistened on the leaves of the trees and a soft warm breeze swept through.

"So is it as bad as you thought it would be?"

"No, I guess not," he said smiling.

"That's good. How has everything else been going? I haven't seen you much," she said, lowering her head as her chocolate curls covered her eyes.

"Yeah, I know. I guess things have just been really crazy. I mean, with all of this, and school and everything, it's busy."

They sat down on a white bench beneath a dogwood tree and Gabi took his wrists so he was focused on her. When she felt the bumps, she quietly gasped and pushed back his sleeve.

"Troy? What is this?"

Troy jumped at her sudden accusation and pulled his hands back.

"It's nothing."

"No Troy, this isn't nothing. This definitely isn't nothing. What are you doing to yourself?"

"I swear, it was just one time, I was stressed and I felt sick. I won't do it again, I promise!"

"Troy, don't you think you should get some help?"

"No, I don't need any help! Please Gabi, just let me handle this," he asked pleadingly.

"Will you be honest with me if I say yes?"

"Yes, of course I will. I promise."

Gabriella nodded her head and Troy relaxed.

"You really worry me, you know," she said.

"I'm sorry. But you don't need to worry. I have an appointment with my regular doctor on Thursday anyway. No worries, see?" Troy put on his most genuine smile for her and she smiled back.

"Okay, no worries."

Gabriella stayed with Troy for the rest of the time, but left when he insisted that she didn't need to be there any longer.

Troy got home and took some Advil. All the standing around made his body ache. Though he wanted to forget what happened altogether, the bruises made sure he'd remember.

Laying down in bed that night, Troy felt like he'd been hit by a semi. And he knew that the next day was only going to be worse.

* * *

AN: Okay guys, I want to let you know that our Bi-annual YADA Summit is in less that two weeks now so I don't know if I'll be able to update before then. It's a huge conference we're putting on for 200 kids so it's a pretty big deal. I will try my hardest to keep up though. Thank you to my faithful fans. Please review and let me know what you think of this chapter. Once again, thank you, thank you, thank you! Have a great weekend!


	9. Deliver Us From Evil

Title: Nothing Left For Me

Summary: Troy, being the basketball star of East High, already has a lot of pressure athletically, not to mention academically. When he witnesses and suffers a devastating ordeal, he begins to wonder whether he can handle the stress.

Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Rating: T for mild swearing, graphic themes

Disclaimer: I do not own HSM, its characters, or mentioned name brands. I do, however own all original characters and brands.

* * *

**Chapter 9: Deliver Us From Evil**

Jack woke Troy up early that morning to make sure they would be ready to leave on time.

Troy rose slowly and sat for a minute trying to adjust his eyes. Finally he got up and made his way to the bathroom. He took off his shirt and examined his bruises in the mirror. They were ugly scars that reminded him of the most awful night of his seventeen year old life. He traced the odd shaped discolorations ever so carefully with his fingers. Physically, he was slowly healing, but mentally, he had a long way to go.

Shaking himself from his reveries, he took a quick shower and got dressed. It was the same crappy suit jacket he had worn the day before.

Troy walked out of the bathroom and instead of walking back to his bedroom, he looked to the other end of the hall. The door to his parents room was shut which only made the idea of walking in more enticing. He took one step at a time towards the seemingly unknown. Placing a hand on the doorknob, he slowly turned it and took a deep breath.

Things looked completely untouched. The bed was unmade, the closet door was open, and his mother's nightgown was resting on the hope chest at the foot of the bed.

After a few silent moments, Troy finally was able to bring himself to enter the room. He looked at the dresser. The mirror had pictures of them as a family and him when he was younger. He glanced down and saw her hairbrush. With shaky hands, he picked it up and held it in his hands. Soon he put it down and moved on.

On her nightstand was a book – a romance novel by Danielle Steele. Her favorite bookmark was in it. She was almost done, but now she would never know the ending. He climbed up on the bed and laid on her side. The pillow still smelled like her. Tears began to form in his eyes. He would give anything to be with her.

Troy stood up and continued walking around the room touching everything, trying desperately to feel close to her.

"Troy! Come on, we have to get going!" Jack yelled from downstairs.

"Yeah, I'm coming," he said nonchalantly.

The long, agonizing car ride to the church, Troy spent staring out the window. They pulled up outside of Hillside Community Church and Troy stared at the gold cross resting on the steeple. He still didn't feel like he had the strength to forgive God for taking his Mother.

They began to walk toward the front doors and were greeted by the pastor.

"Jack, Troy, how are you?"

"Hanging in there," Jack replied.

"Well, everything is set up. You're welcome to head on inside and see that everything is the way you want. And don't be afraid to ask for anything, anything at all."

Jack nodded. "Thank you so much, Pastor Wallace."

"No problem. I will be around if you need anything, but I figured you might want some time alone."

Jack began to walk in but Troy didn't move. After a few steps, Jack turned around and gave Troy a puzzled look. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, um, I'm fine." Troy hurried past his Dad and walked in.

The view could only be described as amazing. Troy's eyes traveled up the aisle and fell upon Jennifer's picture sitting on top of the closed casket. The picture was on their last trip to Colorado. She looked so beautiful. She was wearing her pink Columbia coat and white winter hat. She always loved skiing. Troy felt awful knowing it was an activity she would never enjoy again.

Candles surrounded the mini-shrine and were already lit. Their flickered glow seemed somewhat peaceful.

Jack talked to Pastor Wallace while Troy stood and stared. A little later, people started filing in. Jack and Troy took their seats in the first pew in the front and waited for the service to start. The wildcat basketball team came and took a seat. Then surprisingly, the Evan's twins walked in. Ryan and Sharpay walked up to Troy. Ryan spoke first.

"Hey Troy. I'm really sorry. Your Mom was a great person. If you need anything, don't be afraid to ask."

"Yeah," Sharpay continued. "Don't be afraid to ask for anything. I'll even help you out with the auditions for the fall musical if you plan on doing it."

"Thanks guys. I really appreciate it." Troy was amazed at how quiet and calm Sharpay was. It just wasn't like her.

Troy sat for a few more minutes before he heard a quiet voice.

"Hey Troy. Mind if I sit with you?" It was Gabriella.

"That's fine," he replied.

Gabriella could tell that Troy didn't feel like talking so she simply gripped his hand and sat in silence.

Soon the church was nearly full to the rafters. Pastor Wallace stood up front and asked everyone to stand. Soon the organ played and everyone began to sing Amazing Grace. Troy tried with all his might to not break down, but he couldn't stand it. The song brought heavy tears to his eyes.

The song finished and everyone sat. Then the pastor led the Lord's Prayer.

"Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever and ever. Amen."

The church was silent except for the occasional sniffle when Pastor Wallace continued.

"Jennifer Bolton was a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, and a warrior inside and out. She was a celebrated member of the community who always gave her time to those who needed it most. Those closest to her called her Jenny or Jen and knew her as the one who always had a smile on her face. She took pride in her home and her life. She wouldn't have wanted anything different. She was full of life and always had a way of cheering up even the most depressed soul. On the evening of Thursday, November 1, she and her son Troy were involved in a motor vehicle accident and early Friday morning, Jennifer's soul joined God in Heaven."

Troy couldn't take it anymore. He tuned out the pastor and resorted to fidgeting with his fingers as the service continued. He didn't want to be reminded of her smile or her joy because they were things he would never see again.

Gabriella grabbed both Troy's hands and held them for the rest of the service. By the end, his head rested on her shoulder and he was crying softly. As people began to stand and talk, Gabi turned and pulled him into a full hug. His sobs were quieted by her shirt as she rubbed peaceful circles on his back.

The next step was going to be the most difficult. They had to bury her in the cemetery. It was just one more reminder that she was never coming back.

Gabriella went to join her parents and Troy rode with his Dad to Mt. Calvary Cemetery. The cemetery was breathtaking. There were all kinds of beautiful plants and flowers the surrounded each gravesite. When Jack and Troy approached the one meant for Jennifer, they saw that her casket was already there.

Pastor Wallace said a few more words as she was lowered into the ground. Troy had to turn away. He couldn't bear to watch it. Everyone made their last walk-by and goodbye until just Pastor Wallace, Jack, Troy, Gabriella, and her parents were left.

Troy walked with shaky feet to the edge, got down on his knees, and dropped in a red rose full of life that he had been given. A single tear followed the rose to the bottom and soon Troy was too exhausted and upset to move. Gabriella helped him to his feet and held him tightly even though he resisted.

"It's going to be okay, I promise. I love you so much Troy. I'm going to help you get through this."

"What if I can't get through it?" he whispered through sobs.

"You will, Troy, you will."

* * *

AN: I feel like this is a chapter I am the least proud of. I had a hard time writing it because I felt it was important, but I didn't feel like it was the focal point of the story so I'm sorry if it seems a bit rushed. Hopefully the next few chapters will flow by a little smoother. The way things are now, I see at least another ten chapters coming out of this. Have a great rest of the weekend everyone!

So thanks to everyone who has reviewed and will. You guys really keep me going. I appreciate everything you do. Let me know what you think of this chapter.


	10. Better Now

Title: Nothing Left For Me

Summary: Troy, being the basketball star of East High, already has a lot of pressure athletically, not to mention academically. When he witnesses and suffers a devastating ordeal, he begins to wonder whether he can handle the stress.

Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Rating: T for mild swearing, graphic themes

Disclaimer: I do not own HSM, its characters, or mentioned name brands. I do, however own all original characters and brands.

* * *

**Chapter 10: Better Now**

Once the service at the cemetery was over, Gabriella continued comforting Troy until his eyes were dry.

"Do you want me to come home with you so we can have some time together?"

"No, that's alright. I'll be fine."

"Are you sure? I mean, I don't mind at all, you know that."

"Yeah, I know. I just really, really need to be alone."

"Okay, well, whenever you're ready to talk about things, you know where to find me." She placed a gentle kiss on his lips and touched his shoulder before following her parents back to the car.

Not long after Jack and Troy returned home around one, people started showing up with gifts; mostly food that could be heated up in the over and money. It would definitely help Jack's transition to Mr. Mom go a lot smoother.

Troy and Jack took turns answering the door and bringing gifts to the kitchen. There was so much of it. Troy knew that it would never make up for their loss, but it was such a nice gesture.

As the amount of guests fizzled down, Jack and Troy sat in the living room.

"Troy, do you mind if I ask you something?"

"No, go for it."

"Did she look like she was in pain?"

Troy nearly choked. He thought back to that night and tears formed in his eyes.

"I didn't mean to make you upset," Jack immediately recovered.

"No, no, it's um, it's alright. I guess I had to say something sooner or later. No, she didn't look like she was in pain. I mean, I guess I don't really know because she was never awake."

Jack nodded his head. "Are you okay? I'm really worried, you know."

"Don't worry Dad, I'm fine. It's just going to take time."

"Yeah, we'll do this together, right?"

"Right." Troy smiled, even though inside, he still felt like he was breaking. He still felt like it was his fault. But he had to be strong for his Dad. He just had to.

Later for dinner, Jack put on of the Lasagna trays in the oven that they had received as a gift from his Uncle Andrew. It tasted just as good as his Mom's homemade version.

Not unlike the other few nights, Troy retreated up to his room. The first thing he did, ironically, was pull out his homework that he collected on Monday for the past two days. It was the last thing on his mind, but he knew that if he wanted to graduate, he would have to stay on top of everything.

It didn't seem like much time went by before there was a knock on his door.

"Come in."

"Hey bud. How are you?"

"Okay I guess."

"That's good. Um, I just wanted to let you know that I'm heading to bed."

Troy glanced at the bedside clock and was shocked to see that it was already 11:30 at night.

"Okay, I'll see you in the morning."

"I really think you should stay home tomorrow. You had a long two days. It would do your body good."

"No, I need to go. I can't fall behind."

Jack gave up and shut the door quietly. Troy heard him make his way back downstairs. It was probably to sleep on the couch again.

Troy waited a little over an hour before going in the hall and checking to see if his Dad was asleep. Sure enough, he was passed out on the couch with the blue and cream colored quilt that his grandparents gave them when Troy was little.

Troy made his way to the bathroom and dug his new best friend out of the cupboard. He was again, mystified as the metal glistened in the light. He took a towel and say on the floor.

_ Next time I won't suffer this kind of pain_

_Own my mistakes, not just pass off all the blame._

Cut, cut, cut.

_If you were here, we could figure this out._

_Then I wouldn't be bitter, I'd just be better now._

Slide the blade over the vein.

_I'd be much better off, much better off maybe_

_If I could just let it go with no regrets then,_

Watch the blood flow

_Next time I won't suffer this kind of pain_

_Own my mistakes, not just pass of the blame_

Mop it up, repeat.

_You'd still be here and we'd figure this out._

_Then I wouldn't be bitter, Oh_

_No I wouldn't be bitter, I'd just be better now_

Troy stared at his work. It was beautiful. He finished up and cleaned up as best as he could. Of course, he threw the towel in the trash, and then stored the blade back underneath the sink.

Feeling more relaxed he went in his room, packed his backpack, brought it downstairs, and then went to bed.

The next morning, Troy threw on a long sleeved shirt to cover up the marks and made his way downstairs in a slightly better mood. He actually joined his father at the table and even ate breakfast. It was a step in the right direction. Jack was definitely pleased.

"I'll probably grab you from class around two thirty," Jack said with a bite of toast in his mouth.

Troy was confused. "Why?"

"Remember, I made you an appointment with Dr. Aaberg right after school at three-o-clock."

The color drained from Troy's face. What was he going to do if he saw the cuts?

"I can go by myself, can't I?"

"No, you're still seventeen. I have to go with you by law because you're a minor. I don't have to be in there with you, I just have to be present."

Troy nodded his head and tried to relax.

As he made his way to school, Troy couldn't help but worry about his appointment. He knew that what he was doing made sense to him, but he was pretty sure it wouldn't make sense to Dr. Aaberg. He would probably say something was wrong with him. Then again, that was only if he saw the marks.

He walked through the hallway trying to be as invisible as possible. When he saw Gabriella at her locker, he immediately felt guilty. He remembered the conversation that had during his mother's visitation. He had promised her that he would stop, but he just couldn't resist it. He sped up hoping he could make it to his locker without her seeing him. Unfortunately, she turned and met eyes with him just before he passed her.

"Hey! How are you?" Troy winced when he heard her voice. He felt like the guilt was going to crush him.

"Hey, um, I'm okay. I mean, good, I'm good." Ouch, that hurt.

"That's good. I'm glad you're okay. I was worried about you."

Troy silently winced a second time. He hated lying to her, but she didn't need anymore stress. "Yeah, me too. Well, I need to get to my locker so I can get to class," he stammered. "I'll see you later." He hurried past her and let out a sigh of relief. He wasn't sure how he'd make it through the day without blabbing. After all, she was in his first class with him along with the rest of the gang. Whoever came up with that inner conscience thing had some serious explaining to do.

Troy grabbed the necessary items out of his locker and decided to find something to occupy his time until class started. The less time he would have to spend in that room before the bell rang, the less time he would have to spend lying to his closest friends.

Finding a nice spot on the north stairwell, Troy couldn't help but question himself. Would things have to be like this forever? Would every single day of his life have to be a lie? It wasn't pleasant coming to school and plastering this 'everything is perfect' signature smile. Was it worth it? Of course it was. There's no sense in burdening everyone else with his problems. I mean, they all have just as much pressure on them with college and everything. Why add to it?

The warning bell rang causing the basketball star to jump. He stood up just as unsure of himself as he was when he sat down and made his way to the Mrs. Darbus' classroom to face the day.

* * *

AN: Okay guys, here's the newest chapter. It's a little short, I know, but I wanted to give you guys something to read over the weekend. And just to let you know, I hate making Troy so critical of himself and I hate that he's harming himself, so some good healing will be on its way soon. These chapters have really been difficult to write. Good news is, Spring Break has officially begun! So hopefully I can get some good writing going this week. By the way, the song in italics is "Better Now" by Rascal Flatts. The whole song talks of a different matter, but the small part I chose because I thought it was appropriate.

And yes, this was a bit of a filler chapter, so I will give you a little sneak peak of what comes next. Someone unexpected is going to find out about Troy's little 'issue'. Will they help him, or make it worse? Thank you to my faithful reviewers, you guys are the best! I hope everyone has a great weekend.


	11. My Lips Are Sealed

Title: Nothing Left For Me

Summary: Troy, being the basketball star of East High, already has a lot of pressure athletically, not to mention academically. When he witnesses and suffers a devastating ordeal, he begins to wonder whether he can handle the stress.

Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Rating: T for mild swearing, graphic themes

Disclaimer: I do not own HSM, its characters, or mentioned name brands. I do, however own all original characters and brands.

* * *

**Chapter 11: My Lips Are Sealed**

Troy continued to avoid everyone as much as possible during the day. All he could think about was the terrible lie he was continually telling Gabriella as well as all his closest friends. He felt like there was this large, blinking sign above his head that read, "Troy, the amazing liar. See him in all his glory!" The thought made him shudder.

When free period came, Troy reluctantly agreed to practice with the rest of the team. After all, the whole point was to make them think he was okay, right? Troy wore his trusty white, long-sleeved shirt underneath his jersey and to avoid questioning, made a comment about the janitor needing to fix the air conditioning in the gym – it was always cold.

They ran a few drills and Troy began to sweat profusely. He hoped his deodorant was doing its job.

"Hey man, you okay?" Chad asked as he passed him doing laps.

"Yeah, I'm totally fine. Just a little tired. You know, mid-morning crash?"

"Yeah, I hear ya there." _Phew. Another crisis averted._

With a little bit of time left, the team ran to the locker rooms to change, but Troy insisted on staying out to practice a few free throws.

Troy waited until everyone left to head to the locker room. Little did he know, there was a spying eye who knew more that he thought.

He walked into the empty boys locker room, relieved to finally have some privacy. He double-checked to make sure that his Dad had left to grab lunch in the teacher's lounge before throwing off the jersey and the restricting long sleeve shirt. Standing only in his shorts and shoes, Troy was invited to look at his healing body once again. The bruises were still blatantly angry and the twelve hour old cuts pleaded for help. While he had to congratulate himself for doing such a clean job, he couldn't ignore the pain of the untreated slits on his forearm.

"Troy?" a male voice echoed.

Troy spun around with wide eyes to see a certain hat donning, blonde staring back at him. "I, uh, I um.."

"I never imagined you to be a cutter."

Troy's insides twisted into knots. "Ryan, I um, I'm not. I-it's from the accident," he stammered out.

"Yeah, sure, and I'm Britney Spears. Believe me, I know a lot more about cutting than you would think. It's not worth it, you know."

"And how would you know?" Troy shot back at him.

"Because I used to do it. All it does is leave marks that you will stare at and hate every day of your life." It was the most compassionate Troy had ever seen the wealthy twin.

Troy stayed silent for a moment, not sure if he should accept the offer of counsel, or deny it. "What could have been so bad that you would want to cut?"

"Well, not so many people know this, but Sharpay and I had an older brother. We don't talk about him much. He was three years older than us. He died four years ago in a car accident. He was my best friend. I mean, Sharpay and I seem inseparable, but there was something about Adam that just made it so much easier to talk to him. I spent so much time with him. If Sharpay was being exceptionally dramatic, he would take me out to eat or to a baseball game or something. The night he was killed, we got in a fight. I wanted to borrow his favorite baseball hat and he wouldn't let me. It was the dumbest fight ever, but we got so heated over it. That night, he left and never came home. The tire blew out on his car and he lost control on the highway. They said he died on impact. I just couldn't get over myself. I felt like it was my fault."

Troy couldn't say anything for a few moments. He never thought that someone as gifted as Ryan could have gone through such a horrible tragedy. "So you started cutting?"

"Yeah, I was really young at the time, and really stupid. I had this inflated idea that it would solve my problems, but it didn't do a damn thing. I won't lie, it felt good at first – great actually. But after the first few times, it quit feeling good and became more of a compulsion that ruled my life."

"I can stop anytime I want to. I just don't want to. Not yet at least."

"That's what I thought, but I'm telling you, stop now while you still can. You will just end up hurting yourself in the end."

Troy thought carefully over Ryan's words before responding. "Well, I can't guarantee anything, but it means a lot that you were willing to share such a big secret with me. I know we aren't exactly friends, but it's cool that you trust me that much."

"Yeah. You know that if you ever want to talk, I will always be there. Don't be afraid to ask for anything."

"Okay, thanks. I really do appreciate it."

"Well, we'd better get to lunch soon otherwise we won't have any lunch."

"Hey Ryan?" Troy asked, just before he turned to leave.

"Yeah?"

"This is going to stay between us, right? I mean, I promised Gabi that I wouldn't do it anymore and if she found out, she'd be so-"

"Don't worry about a thing. My lips are sealed."

Troy nodded his head as Ryan left. _That was odd. I just saw a whole different side of Ryan that I never knew existed. I can't believe that he's been through all that pain. I still feel like my decision was the right one, though. I just won't tell anyone. Then no one else will have to hurt because of something I did._

Troy got changed and hurried off to get his lunch.

No surprise, but Troy ate his lunch in the north stairwell to avoid any other questioning minds. While he wanted the school day to be over, at the same time he wished it would never end.

The afternoon went fast and before he knew it, he was showing his pink 'get out of class early' note to his sixth period teacher and meeting his father in the parking lot.

"You ready to go?"

"Yeah," Troy replied quietly as he tossed his bag in the back.

The ride to Dr. Aaberg's office was one of the longest. Troy sat with bated breath trying to clear his head of all the crazy thoughts that plagued it. _What if he wants to send me to Pine Rest, the place for crazy people? I'm not crazy. There's nothing wrong with me, right?_

They pulled into a parking spot in front of Building C and walked in to the lobby. There were five different offices in the building, one being Prime Care where Jennifer took Troy when he was six and had that God-awful ear infection. They went into the office across the way from Prime Care and checked in at the window. Troy really hated being there. Usually he wouldn't mind, but he didn't want to be bothered. He didn't want to have to listen to all the kids playing with loud, obnoxious toys or parents reading magazines acting like they cared about the jigsaw puzzle Timmy was working on or the book Makaila wanted to read with them.

Troy couldn't help but stare. Jennifer would always sit on the floor with him and do whatever he wanted to do. Troy hated going to the doctor's office so she would always try to make him feel better about it – not like these parents. They could care less.

"Troy Bolton?"

Troy jumped slightly.

"You want me to stay out here?" Jack asked. Troy nodded his head and stood up to follow the nurse to the exam room.

"Alright Troy, go ahead and take a seat. Dr. Aaberg will be here in a few minutes," she said, setting his chart in the slot on the door and slowly closing it.

_So now the worst part, _he thought, _waiting. Maybe I could count ceiling tiles or the number of ducks on the border paper. Nah, too boring. Hmm. Ugh, this is boring._

After a few minutes of staring mindlessly at the wall, the door handle turned and Dr. Aaberg walked in. He was a man in his young forties with slightly graying hair. Troy knew he had a daughter that was in eleventh grade at East High and a son in eighth grade at East Middle.

"Hey, Troy. So I heard about what happened. Is everything going okay?"

"Yeah, I mean, I guess as well as it could be going."

Dr. Aaberg chuckled softly. "Yeah, understandable. So let's start with your head. Since you were in the hospital, have you had any bad headaches or dizziness?"

"Well, I had a little headache once or twice, but I think it was just from stress."

Dr. Aaberg instructed him to follow his finger with his eyes. "So, is there any specific spot on your head that would hurt, or was is just aching?"

"Yeah, it was just a regular headache."

"Yeah, it probably is from stress. Just make sure that if you feel a headache coming on, to take something right away instead of waiting. It will save you from some definite pain later. Okay, well, now that we know your concussion has subsided, let's make sure everything else is healing okay. And I'd also like to take your blood pressure. Why don't you take your shirt off for me quick."

"My shirt?" Troy felt a flash of fear go through him.

"Yeah, I need to look at the bruises on your chest and since you're wearing a long sleeve shirt, I'll need to be able to get to your arm for the blood pressure cuff."

Troy carefully began to pull his shirt over his head keeping in mind that his cuts were lurking just beneath. He pulled it off in a fashion that would make sure the marks were covered.

Dr. Aaberg pulled the sphygmomanometer from its holder on the wall and gripped Troy's left arm. Troy could feel his heartbeat going crazy in his chest. He tried to keep his forearm facing down while the cuff was wrapped around his upper arm. Dr. Aaberg then put on his stethoscope and turned Troy's arm over so he could listen just below the cuff in the crook of his elbow.

Troy kept his head down, not wanting to see his doctor's reaction.

"What is this?" he asked.

Troy quickly fabricated the same lie he had attempted to tell Ryan. "It's from the accident. The glass cut me up a little bit. "

"Troy, I really don't think that's the case. These cuts are linear, not sporadic. Why are you hurting yourself?" Dr. Aaberg's voice was dripping with compassion for the troubled, young boy.

"I-I-um, I just, I don't know." Tears threatened to spill over, but Troy held them back. "I'm just under a lot of stress. You're not going to tell my Dad, are you?"

Dr. Aaberg nodded. "I have to."

"But what about that whole doctor-patient confidentiality thing?"

"You're a minor. That rule goes out the window when you become a threat to yourself."

"But you can't tell him! He'll be so mad. I swear I'll stop, I swear."

"I'm sorry Troy. I have to tell him. And I think we need to get you into counseling. That is not a healthy habit. It's dangerous."

Troy sat in silence. _Dad can't know. I'm going to ruin everything for him. He's going to be so upset with me._

"Let's finish this up, then we'll discuss talking to your Dad."

It only took another ten minutes or so for Dr. Aaberg to look and the healing bruises and make sure he was physically okay. When he finished, they stared at each other for a moment before Troy spoke.

"So I guess we have to tell him now, huh?"

"Yeah. Do you want me to explain it, or would you like to?"

"I guess I'll tell him."

Dr. Aaberg opened the door and asked the nurse to get Jack from the waiting room. A few seconds went by and Jack joined them in the exam room.

"Is everything okay?" He asked, directing his question to the doctor.

Troy could feel himself freaking out inside. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. Finally, he began to speak. "Dad, I um, I, I don't want you to be mad, okay?"

"Mad about what, Troy? Why would I be mad at you?"

Troy didn't know how to say it. Somehow, 'Dad, I've been slicing myself open,' didn't really cut it so Troy simply turned his arm over.

Jack looked down and saw the cuts. "Troy?" He touched his arm lightly and looked confused.

"I, uh, I've been," Troy couldn't get the word out. He couldn't bring himself to say it.

"You've been cutting?"

"Yeah," Troy said in a barely audible whisper.

* * *

AN: Okay, just to let you guys know, this isn't going to be a Tryan romance, just a friendship. The story is Troyella, but because of the tension, obviously that is taking a back seat. So I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I enjoyed writing it. So please hit that magic little button and send me a review! It would be greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a great rest of the weekend and rock on!


	12. You Just Don't Understand

Title: Nothing Left For Me

Summary: Troy, being the basketball star of East High, already has a lot of pressure athletically, not to mention academically. When he witnesses and suffers a devastating ordeal, he begins to wonder whether he can handle the stress.

Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Rating: T for mild swearing, graphic themes

Disclaimer: I do not own HSM, its characters, or mentioned name brands. I do, however own all original characters and brands.

* * *

**Chapter 12: You Just Don't Understand**

"Troy, why didn't you say anything?"

"Because, you didn't need anymore problems," he replied quietly as his insides twisted and turned inside him.

"Troy, you know you can tell me anything. Yeah, we're both upset, but I'm your Dad. I care about you."

There was awkward silence and all Troy could think of was the ride home.

"What I suggest is getting Troy in to see a therapist. Probably starting out once a week and getting less frequent as things improve. I can recommend the name of child and teen psychologist if you'd like."

"That would be great," Jack said, looking at his son who was still staring at the floor.

Dr. Aaberg left and another bout of silence ensued.

"I still don't understand why you didn't feel like you could tell me this. I mean, I know we're both going through a rough time, but that shouldn't matter."

"I know. You just, don't understand, okay? And do I really have to go see a shrink? I mean, you know now, so I can stop. I mean, you can help me stop."

Jack sighed and looked at his son. "You know the answer to that question."

Just then, Troy's prayers were answered and Dr. Aaberg walked back in the room. "Doctor Matthew Denczek. He works under Albuquerque General as a clinical social worker who specializes in the treatment of children and teens. I've worked with him on many occasions and I think he would be great for this type of situation. Here is his business card. You can give his office a call and get an appointment made. Their schedule is usually pretty open because he works until six or eight at night, depending on the day so the sooner you can get in, the better. "

Jack nodded, looking at the business card. "Great, thank you so much."

"Alright, well, I guess we're done here today. I think you can probably return to basketball in a week or so, that is as long as you are meeting with the counselor on a regular basis. Just remember when you do return, to take it easy and if you're feeling tired, to take a break. And of course, drink plenty of water." Dr. Aaberg spoke, looking directly at Troy.

"Thank you." Troy said quietly.

The car ride home was awkward to say the least. Neither said anything, but their body language said everything. Jack constantly sighed out loud and kept changing his position in the drivers seat while Troy continually stared out the window.

That night, Troy separated himself from his father as much as he could, but Jack made sure that Troy knew he would always have an eye on him because of his latest revelation. It wasn't like Jack didn't trust him, he was just worried about him. He already came close to losing him once and there was no way in hell he was going to take that chance again.

Troy went to bed that night without eating dinner, but he didn't notice. He did the last of his homework that he could fit in before falling asleep with his head on his desk.

He woke up the next morning in the same position he fell asleep in. He slowly replayed the events from the previous day in his head and sighed, realizing that he still had to face all of his friends at school. How on earth was he going to keep this from them? He would have to be in that office once a week for God knows how long and someone was bound to notice.

Troy got ready for school, ate breakfast, and left without saying a word to his Dad. He wasn't mad at him. He was more embarrassed than anything. It was something that only he was supposed to know and the worst part was that this psychologist is going to try to make him stop cutting. How could he stop when it felt so good? How could he stop when it was the only thing keeping him sane?

That day, Troy felt oddly like a superhero. He was able to play everything off cool. Gabi actually said she was happy to see him doing so well and Chad said it was good to have his best friend back. The only thing he couldn't ignore were the stares from Ryan, the only one at school who truly knew what was behind those deep blue eyes. Ryan knew that Troy was hurting and he desperately wanted to help, but he knew from personal experience that there wasn't much more you could do other than let the person know that you are ther for them no matter what.

At dinner that night, father and son ate in silence for some time before Jack spoke up.

"I made you an appointment with Dr. Denczek for Monday at five-thirty. Does that work?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah, yeah, I um, I guess that's fine." Silence came again. There seemed to be a lot of that lately. "Do I seriously have to go?" he finally asked.

"Yes Troy. You need to be talking to someone. You know that."

"But I can change on my own. I know I can. And you can help me. I can talk to you."

Jack felt awful hearing his son plead, but he knew that this was his time to step up and be a parent. He had to do what was best for Troy. He didn't even want to think about what would happen if he let something like this slide.

The whole weekend, Troy moped around. The idea of talking to someone with an agenda freaked him out a little. The doctor wouldn't be just listening to him, he would be analyzing his every word, his every sound, and his every movement until he infiltrated his brain so he could break down every emotion. It sounded like something out of a science-fiction movie and those almost never turn out good.

* * *

AN: Okay, so I know you guys are probably livid with me right now, but please give me the opportunity to apologize profusely. I have only five days of school left and my Principal wants a draft of my Valedictorian speech by May 21 which is, coincidentally my 18th birthday. I have so much going on, I want to scream. So, I apologize for making you guys wait so long for this and that this is another filler chapter, which I hate. This, hopefully, should mean though that writing the next chapter should be simple because so much is going to go in it. So I hope everyone has an awesome week. Now that I'm done with AP, I should be free this weekend to get right to work on the next chapter. Please please please review for me! I love reading them and they make me so happy!


	13. Give it a Chance

Title: Nothing Left For Me

Summary: Troy, being the basketball star of East High, already has a lot of pressure athletically, not to mention academically. When he witnesses and suffers a devastating ordeal, he begins to wonder whether he can handle the stress.

Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Rating: T for mild swearing, graphic themes

Disclaimer: I do not own HSM, its characters, or mentioned name brands. I do, however own all original characters and brands.

* * *

**Chapter 13: Give it a Chance**

Monday came all too fast for the teenage basketball sensation. The previous night, with shaking hands, he had cut again. He just couldn't stop himself. It was no longer just cutting, it was an addiction. That morning, he got up early to try some free-throws on the court. Needless to say, like every time he was upset, he couldn't make a single one. Giving up, he headed back inside to finish getting ready for school.

His hands shook slightly as he ate breakfast, which his Dad noticed.

"You alright, Troy?"

"Yeah, Dad, I'm good. I guess I just didn't sleep a lot last night."

"Well, I'm sure after seeing Dr. Denczek, you'll feel a lot better." Jack thought for a moment. "Is that what you're worried about?"

Troy took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah, a little."

"It's nothing to be worried about. He's there to help you, not intimidate you."

"Yeah, I know. I guess it will just take some getting used to."

That morning at school, Troy looked for Ryan. He finally found him with Sharpay at her locker.

"Hey Troy!" Sharpay exclaimed, a little too excited for Troy's current mood.

"Um, hey," he replied sheepishly. "Hey, Ryan, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Yeah, sure." Ryan looked at Sharpay who clearly looked hurt by the fact Troy would rather talk to her pathetic, unpopular brother than her. "I'll be right back, sis"

The two walked around the corner and Troy took a deep breath before starting. "Well, I guess this isn't really the time or the place, but could we talk during lunch or something?"

"Yeah, of course. Uh, meet me in the North stairwell at ten after twelve. Sound good?"

"Yeah, that would be great. Thanks. Really, thank you."

The blonde smiled. "No problem. You know, there's nothing wrong with not being superman for a day."

Troy nodded his head, and went to first period. When he saw Gabriella, he embraced her in a big hug, trying to smile as brightly as he could. She giggled and kissed his cheek. This was the Troy that she missed. The Troy she knew. She was happy to finally have him back - well, she thought she had him back.

"Hey Playmaker," she said gleefully. "I was thinking, would you want to go see a movie tonight? Maybe grab a bite after practice?"

Troy searched his mind for a better excuse besides, 'no, I'm going to be having my brain analyzed by a therapist'. He wasn't thrilled in the least to be seeing the guy, the last thing he wanted was to have everyone else know about it.

"Uh, well, my, uh, Dad was going to have me help him get some stuff done after practice. I don't know how long it will take, so maybe another night?"

Gabriella cocked her head slightly at the odd excuse. There was definitely something peculiar about it, but she didn't want to push the issue. She figured she had talked enough sense into him for one year.

"Alright. Yeah, I guess, maybe another night."

The rest of the morning was awkward to say the least. Troy felt just awful for telling his girlfriend another lie. After the fiasco that happened when they met, he promised himself he would keep the relationship completely open and truthful, but he had been breaking that promise.

When lunch came, Troy quickly made his way to the stairwell, sure to avoid anyone who might ask questions.

He took a seat on the steps and within moments, Ryan joined him.

"So what's up?" he asked cheerfully.

"My Dad knows. I had a doctor's appointment last week and the doctor saw the cuts and he made me tell my father. And now I have to see a shrink. Today. And I cut last night. I swear I tried not to, but I just had to do it. And I don't know what to do." Troy's words were rushed and nervous like word vomit.

"Woah, woah, woah, slow down a second. So you're Dad knows, and he wants you to see a therapist?"

Troy nodded his head.

"That's great. Now you can get help, Troy."

Troy was taken aback by his reaction. "Great? No it's not great. Ryan, I don't want to talk to a therapist. They just sit there, staring at you, while you pour out your soul, analyzing you. I can't deal with that."

"Troy, they are there to listen and to help. I saw one too once my parents found out about my cutting. They're going to help you stop. I'm telling you, they are there to help."

"But what if they send me to an asylum or something? I don't belong there, Ryan, I don't. They don't care about you there. No one cares about you."

Ryan smiled slightly. "Troy, they aren't going to send you there unless they think you're truly a threat to yourself. They will help you get through it. It's the best thing that ever happened to me. I have no idea where I'd be if I didn't get help when I did. But it wouldn't be pretty." Ryan thought back to the night when he truly scared his parents out of their minds.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, one night, I was feeling particularly depressed. I was home alone. My parents were with Sharpay at her dance recital. I don't even think I knew what I was doing at the time. I just grabbed the blade I had been using an dragged it across my arm like always. Except that time, I cut a little deeper than usual. I kind of freaked out when the blood came too fast. All I know is I passed out and woke up in the hospital a few hours later. My parents had come home just minutes afterward and found me in time. Please Troy, just try the therapy thing. I don't want to see you hit bottom like I did."

_Surprise, another deeper side of the Evan's twin I don't recognize. But I suppose he speaks from experience. Maybe I should just listen._

"Wow, Ryan. I never knew that about you. I guess I can try it, I mean, it's not like I have a choice. But thanks - a lot - for talking to me." Troy didn't sound much more confident than he did at the beginning, but Ryan understood.

"You'll feel better once you go. I know you will. Just give it a chance."

"Alright, I will."

* * *

AN: Okay, so here's the part where I stand here and you all throw rocks at me for not updating any sooner. Go ahead, I'm waiting.

Okay, now that you hopefully have your agressions out, and I have a few new bruises, let's get on to the good stuff. I'm on summer vacation now, but I have an open house to finish planning and I move to St. Louis for college in August. I will try to keep a steady stream of updates, but I don't want to make any promises. I still really love this story and I want to continue it. I know the direction it's heading, I just need the time to take it there.

So if you're not too mad at me, as a poor writer that survives on feedback, I beg you to push that magic little button and submit an amazing review! Thank you so much in advance!


	14. I'm Afraid

Title: Nothing Left For Me

Summary: Troy, being the basketball star of East High, already has a lot of pressure athletically, not to mention academically. When he witnesses and suffers a devastating ordeal, he begins to wonder whether he can handle the stress.

Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Rating: T for mild swearing, graphic themes

Disclaimer: I do not own HSM, its characters, or mentioned name brands. I do, however own all original characters and brands.

* * *

**Chapter 14: I'm Afraid**

When the bell rang that day, Troy rushed out to the parking lot to avoid any questioning friends and immediately left for Dr. Denczek's office. As he drove, his palms became sweaty. He did his best to concentrate on the road, but he just kept thinking about the appointment. He was visibly nervous. He wasn't ready to talk about anything and this guy was just going to make him. It didn't feel right.

Suddenly, Troy pulled off the road into an empty parking lot. _Come on, Bolton, don't freak out. You can do this. _Troy took a few deep breaths, but just couldn't shake the weird feelings. Finally he pulled himself together and got back on the road.

He walked into the office just five minutes before the scheduled start time of his appointment. He notified the receptionist who he was and that he was there to see Dr. Denczek and then sat down. His eyes wandered, he tapped his foot, and he attempted to read a magazine, but he became more nervous as each agonizing second passed.

Finally the door opened and a tall, broad shouldered man with glasses in his early thirties entered the waiting room. He had dark brown hair and looked friendly and warm. "Troy Bolton?"

Troy stood up and walked towards him, his heart pounding in his chest. The man offered his hand and smiled. "I'm Dr. Denczek, but you may call me Matt."

Troy took his hand and returned the handshake, happy that he had, of course, worn long sleeves that afternoon.

"You can follow me," he said, turning and walking into the office.

Troy followed closely, taking in everything he saw. The walls were a neutral beige color with a light blue diamond pattern border about halfway up. They passed lots of smaller rooms with desks and small couches in them.

Eventually they turned a corner and entered the office on the right. There was a large desk in it as well as two chairs and a couch. The desk had a picture of Matt with two young girls, no doubt his daughters.

"Go ahead and take a seat," he said warmly, gesturing to the couch.

Troy sat down, but sat forward, slightly hunched forward, still uncomfortable about being there.

Matt took a folder off his desk, sat down in the chair across from Troy and set his coffee on the table. He opened the folder, flipped to a blue page and sat back. "So Troy, why don't you tell me a little bit about why you're here."

Troy took a deep breath, still a little blown away that he was actually sitting here with a therapist who was analyzing his every body movement and every word. He rubbed his sweaty palms together before starting. "Well, I uh, I've been-" Troy just couldn't say the words. It's like they were caught in his throat. "I've been cutting. My doctor saw last week and he said he wanted me to talk to a therapist, so here I am."

Matt smiled and nodded. "Uh huh. And what is it that made you want to cut? What happened?"

This was the part that Troy had been dreading the most. He fidgeted with his fingers, trying to find a way to answer the question. "Didn't they tell you that already?" Troy asked, glancing at the manila folder in Matt's hands.

"Well, I got the shortened version. But I want to know what happened from you. From your point of view."

He sat for a moment going over the events in his mind. He hated revisiting it. How could reliving the most terrifying moment in your life help you in any way? What exactly did this Matt guy want to know?

"Well, my mother and I were in a car accident a few weeks ago. And she…she," Troy tried to get the word out but his mind struggled. He wanted to give up. "Do I really have to do this?"

Matt readjusted himself and shook his head. "Troy, I'm not going to force you to do anything. The point of therapy is for me to guide you to a healthier mental state. That takes a little work from both you and me. You want to be healthy, right?"

Troy nodded.

"Well, I am the one that can help you do that. But I need you to push aside your fears and insecurities. This is your chance to say anything and everything without being judged. What is said in this room, stays in this room. You know that I am bound by the confidentiality agreement to not tell anyone about what is said, unless it poses a direct threat to yourself or someone else." Matt stopped for a moment, to let Troy make sense of everything he was saying. "I'm not saying this is going to be easy or that you will enjoy it, but it is completely necessary for you to start living a better life. Do you want to give it another try?"

Troy thought for a moment. He knew that Matt was trying to help him, but he knew it would take time before he was completely comfortable. Regardless, walking out on the appointment wasn't an option. As much as he wanted to leave, he knew he had to face it head-on.

Matt noticed Troy's hesitation. "I don't want you to think about therapy as a big, never-ending event. Try to break it up. Just think about today, right now. We'll start slow. If you can make it through this session, then you'll be done. Don't think about anything else."

Troy swallowed thickly. "O-okay."

"Why don't you start by telling me how you felt after the accident."

The room stayed quiet for a few long moments while Troy tried to decide how to voice his feelings. "I felt… um…. I felt awful. I missed my Mom. I miss my Mom." Tears sat at the edge of Troy's eyes, threatening to spill over but he forced them back.

"That's understandable, of course. You'll feel yourself missing her for a very long time. How's your relationship with your Dad?"

"Good…I guess." Troy cleared his throat. "A little strained lately. Before the…um….accident, we were kind of getting on each other's nerves. But we're still really close."

"Do you feel like he could be a good support system for you?"

"Yeah. I think so."

"That's very good to hear. So you said you've been self-harming. How often do you usually do this?"

"I don't know. I've only done it a couple of times. Not a lot." Troy was becoming uncomfortable again. He felt the need to monitor every word that left his mouth. All it would take was one wrong statement to have him locked up in a mental ward.

"So do you know why you cut? What is it about self-harming that appeals to you?"

This was one question Troy didn't want to touch with a ten foot pole. This one would easily have him locked up.

"Troy, I can see you're reluctant, but if you can tell me what it is that makes you want to cut, we can work on finding healthier alternatives."

He still couldn't bring himself to say anything. He tried a few times but nothing came out.

Matt could tell he was becoming distressed. "Okay, let's take a step back for a minute. What are you most afraid of right now? If we can start with that, maybe we can work through it together until you feel more comfortable."

Troy had no problem putting that answer into words. "I'm afraid… well… I'm afraid that I'm gonna get put in some mental ward."

"Well Troy, I don't want you to be afraid of that. I'm here to help you. If you are seriously thinking about taking your own life, then sometimes those places would serve you best. They aren't bad and aren't meant to be scary. It's just a way for us to keep an eye on you and help keep you safe. But I don't believe you are a threat to yourself, Troy."

Troy shook his head vigorously. "No, I'm not trying to kill myself. I…I don't want to do that at all. I just…well it… cutting makes everything else easier."

Matt nodded. It was the answer he had been expecting. "I understand that. Do you recognize that cutting isn't healthy behavior?"

Troy nodded. "I know it's wrong. I just don't like feeling numb."

"Okay, that's understandable. Many people suffering from depression feel the same way. Let's talk about before the accident. What kinds of things made you feel alive?"

"I don't know. Being with my friends. Playing basketball with my Dad."

"Alright. That's a good start right there. Those are both things you can still enjoy now. What I want you to focus on is your support system. These are going to be people that your life revolves around. These people are there to help you. I'm part of that system as well as your teachers, your friends, and your Dad. Do you understand?"

Troy nodded once again.

"Let's try something this week. Whenever you feel the need to cut, I want you to push that feeling away and replace it with something else. Plan some sort of activity that used to make you feel good. Go to a movie with a friend or maybe a walk. Spend time talking about things that remind you of the life you are living now. I don't expect you to jump back into the way things used to be, but try to ease into them instead. Allow your friends and family to help. That's what they're there for."

"Okay. I think I can do that."

"Good, that's great. Can you promise me something, Troy?"

"Sure."

"If you do ever start having suicidal ideations, I want you to call someone who cares a lot about you. Call your Dad, call a friend, call a neighbor. Just talk to someone."

Matt reached over and pulled a card from his desk. "There is an emergency phone number on here that is available 24/7. If you aren't able to get a hold of anyone or don't feel comfortable talking to someone close to you, call this number. They will put you through to the counselor on call and they can get a hold of me if need-be. Can you promise me that?"

"Yeah, I promise."

"Good. I know this experience is difficult for you, but it will improve. For right now, we're just going to focus on minimizing your depressive symptoms." He grabbed Troy's chart again and a pen off of his desk. "I am going to write down a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder. I believe you meet the DSM criteria for it. It's something that will get better over time with therapy. If it's alright with you, I'd like to continue meeting once a week."

"Yeah, I can do that." Troy felt a lot more comfortable than he had when he entered the office.

"That's good to hear. Feel free to call if you need anything between appointments. Otherwise, I'll see you next week."

Troy looked up at the clock, surprised the time had gone by so fast. He stood up and thanked Dr. Denczek for his time before heading to the front desk to make his return appointment.

After climbing into his car, he took a deep breath and realized that he felt better than he had in weeks. He had been so worked up over the appointment but it ended up being much better than he thought it would. Maybe seeing a shrink wasn't so bad after all.

* * *

AN: Well hey guys! Look who's got two thumbs and is writing again! This girl! I have no excuses for abandoning this thing. I just finished writing a VERY long story for a different fandom so I decided that before I could publish that one, I had to update this as well as another neglected story. I can't guarantee how often I'll be updating, but never fear readers, this story will be finished.

Thanks so much for all of your patience. I appreciate the readers who are still adding this story to their alert and favorite lists, it is so greatly appreciated. And, as usual, thanks for your reviews in advance. I look forward to hearing what you think about this latest chapter.

As a side note (sorry for the long AN!) this chapter is written with a very special social worker in mind who actually put me on the path to get my MSW when I was a teenager. Readers, if any of you are struggling with depression, look into seeing a therapist! These people are SO wonderful and always there to help.


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